Quotes from Zach Galifianakis movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Alan Garner: It would be so cool if I could breast-feed.

Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?
Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.
Alan Garner: Are you okay?

Alan Garner: No, it's a satchel... Indiana Jones has one.

Stu Price: Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?
Alan Garner: Yes.

Alan Garner: I have a question. You probably get this a lot, but this isn't the real Caesar's Palace, is it?

Stu Price: Here's something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!
Alan Garner: That's highly unlikely.

Phil Wenneck: Whose fucking baby is that?
Stu Price: Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan Garner: Yeah, I checked all the rooms... No one's there. Check its collar or something.

Alan Garner: It was a real pleasure meeting you.
Melissa: Fuck off!
Alan Garner: I'm thinking about getting my bartender's license.
Melissa: Suck my dick.
Alan Garner: No, thank you.

Stu Price: So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan Garner: What are you talking about? I've found a baby before.
Stu Price: You found a baby before? Where?
Alan Garner: Coffee Bean.

Stu Price: You are a fucking moron!
Alan Garner: Your language is offensive.
Stu Price: Fuck you!

Stu Price: That is not Doug.
Mr. Chow: What're you talking about, Willis? That him!
Stu Price: No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow, that's not our friend, he... It's...
Alan Garner: The Doug we're looking for is a white.

Stu Price: We're in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?
Alan Garner: I think the cop car part's pretty cool.

Stu Price: You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
Alan Garner: I think he's mean.

David Ghantt: I'm starting to feel like a corn dog at a hot dog party, and it ain't flattering, I'll tell you that.

Mike McKinney: I got another job.
David Ghantt: No kiddin', what are you doin'?
Mike McKinney: Tax preparation.
David Ghantt: Oh, are ya? That's nice.
Mike McKinney: Naw, I'm just foolin'. It's gonna be more murder.

David Ghantt: Sometimes the only way out... is through.

Steve: What should I call you, sir?
Steve: Nothing. You don't ever need to see me or know my name. You can refer to me as Geppetto.
David Ghantt: Geppetto?
Steve: Yeah, Geppetto. As in Pinnochio. As in, I pull the strings.
David Ghantt: I think he means Stromboli.
Steve: What did you call me?
David Ghantt: Nothin'. I just think you mean Stromboli. Geppetto was just a woodcarver. Stromboli was the puppeteer.

David Ghantt: You farted right into my butt hole. It's like a fart transplant.

David Ghantt: I'm right here, sugar bush. Don't worry about a thing.

David Ghantt: I look like if Jesus and a cat had a baby.