Quotes from Whoopi Goldberg movies and TV shows

Holly: Did I hurt him?
Jane: What do you mean did you hurt him, you hit him with a bat.

Jane: The further away from that body I get, the happier I'll be.

Jane: ...Do you miss it?
Robin: What?
Jane: Sex.
Robin: Yeah, I do... You know what's weird? You never know the last time you sleep with somebody it's the last time. You're thinking: "Oh, we got problems, we got work to do," you know, but you never think... and then you break up and a month later you look back and you go: "Oh, that was it." That Tuesday or Friday or whenever, and you wished you paid attention because it was the last time... Well.

Robin: Don't you knock?
Jane: Not in a public toilet, no.

Jane: You were gonna bring a baby into that house?
Holly: Oh, like, what were my options?
Jane: How about abortion?
Holly: I couldn't do that. I'd feel like a murderer.
Jane: Honey, you ARE a murderer.

Molly: My daddy doesn't think she's in heaven.
Corrina Washington: Well, that's probably just because your daddy is so jealous of the angels. He's so jealous, he can't even stand to think about those angels who get to play with your mommy all day long. And he's hurting just like you're hurting, and you're going to hurt for a long time. Every day it'll get a little better, but you'll always miss your mommy, and that's okay.

Molly: I won the spelling bee today.
Manny Singer: You did? Corrina, did you hear that?
Corrina Washington: I heard it, now let's go eat, I'm starved.
Manny Singer: What was the word?
Molly: ...Vacuum.
Corrina Washington: Why don't we vacuum ourselves out the door?
Manny Singer: How do you spell vacuum?
Molly: ...H-O-O-V-E-R.

Corrina Washington: This is my favorite record.
Manny Singer: Really? Mine, too.
Corrina Washington: You know, Billie Holliday does a better version.
Manny Singer: No-one's better than Louie.

Manny Singer: Corrina, can I talk to you for a minute? Look, whatever you may believe in is fine for you, okay? Your heaven is fine for you, but Molly's mother was an atheist and so am I, and I don't want you telling her that her mother is somewhere she isn't.
Corrina Washington: Yes, Mr. Singer. I'll just continue to tell Molly her mother is in the bathtub.

Oda Mae Brown: Why don't you go haunt a house? Rattle some chains or something.

Oda Mae Brown: I don't know you! I don't know Sam, but let me tell you what he did to me. He kept me up all night singing "I'm Henry the Eighth I Am."
Molly Jensen: That's how he got me to go out with him.

Oda Mae Brown: My mother had it. My mother's mother had it. They both had the gift. They always said I had it, but I never did. I never had it. They told me what it was like. They told me all about it, but now that I got it, I don't think I want it. So do me a favor, just go away. Find somebody else.
Sam: Somebody else? You're out of your mind.
Oda Mae Brown: I'm gettin' there fast.

Oda Mae Brown: He's cute. White, but cute.

Oda Mae Brown: Four-million dollars?
Lyle Furgeson: Yes. Four-million dollars. And, um, how would you like that, Mrs. Miller?
Oda Mae Brown: Tens and twenties?
Sam Wheat: No, a cashier's check.
Oda Mae Brown: Actually... I think better a cashier's check.
Lyle Furgeson: Right.

Oda Mae Brown: He's dressed in a black suit.
Rosa Santiago: Black suit?
Oda Mae Brown: Could be blue.
Sam Wheat: What a crock of shit!

Oda Mae Brown: Four million dollars! Oh my god! What am I gonna do with this money? I'm gonna buy the building! No, wait! I'm gonna buy the block! I'm gonna make my sister go to a fat farm cause you know she's way too big!

Guy at window: Didn't you ever hear of a phone?
Oda Mae Brown: Wanna kiss my butt?

Hal Jackson: Do you mind if I smoke in here?
Sarah Mathews: Yes, I do mind.
Zora: Ma, this is his office.
Sarah Mathews: I don't care, this is my lungs, he can get himself killed.

Sister Mary Clarence: If you wake up in the morning, and you can't think anything but singing, then you should be a singer, girl.

Sister Mary Clarence: Hey Father Thomas, what's happenin'?
Father Thomas: What's happening is I've been sent to deliver a message like I'm working for Western Union instead of the Roman Catholic Church.