Quotes from Tom Arnold movies and TV shows

Lt. Penelope Carpenter: You know about the Navy's rules against fraternization among officers.
Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: Well, I guess I'm retired again.

Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: Remember to try tonight's drink special: Stolen Vodka Surprise. We stole Vladikov's vodka. Surprise.

Stanley Stupid: Be on the look out for anything suspicious.
Buster Stupid: Dad, they're putting make-up on men in there.
Stanley Stupid: Bull's eye.

Gas Station Attendant: Sir, did you know there's a hole in your gas tank.
Stanley Stupid: That's how you get the gas in there.

Gib: Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em.

Albert Gibson: You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for 15 years, Harry.

Bishop73

Gib: Oh yeah! That worked good! Right out the old front gate!

Gib: Get lost, dipshit. [Shoots at Simon's feet.]

Gib: You must plant the bug near the telephone by the bed before you leave. If you do not complete your mission, the deal is off. [He hangs up the phone]. I'm gonna go to hell.

Harry: You tell on me, I tell on you.
Gib: What are you talking about? I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets.
Harry: What about the time you blew a six week operation because you busy getting a blow job, huh?
Gib: You knew about that?

Spencer Trilby: Don't you have anything remotely substantial, Harry? Do you have any hard data?
Harry Tasker: Well, nothing that you would call rock hard.
Albert Gibson: Actually, it's pretty limp, sir.
Spencer Trilby: Well, perhaps you better get some before someone parks an automobile in front of the White House with a nuclear weapon in the trunk!

Gib: The guy is a goddamn used car salesman! This just keeps getting better and better!