Quotes from Tim Allen movies and TV shows - page 3 of 4

Buzz #2: Buzz Lightyear to Star Command. I've got an AWOL space ranger here.
Buzz: Tell me I wasn't this delusional.
Buzz #2: No backtalk! I have a laser, and I will use it!
Buzz: You mean the laser that's a lightbulb!?

Buzz Lightyear: Woody once risked his life to save mine, and I couldn't call myself his friend if I wasn't willing to do the same. Now who's with me?

Buzz Lightyear: Quiet, musical hog!

Buzz Lightyear: Hold on, this is time to panic.
Hamm the Piggy Bank: This is the perfect time to panic!
Rex the Green Dinosaur: Should we be PANICKING?
Slinky Dog: No!
Mr. Potato Head: Yes!
Buzz Lightyear: Maybe! But not right now!
Hamm the Piggy Bank: C'mon. Let's go see how much we're going for on eBay.

Soldier: Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.
Buzz Lightyear: Trash bags?
Woody: Who said anything about trash bags?
Sergeant: It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.
Soldier: You're gonna need it!

Jessie: Buzz! We're your friends!
Buzz Lightyear: Spare me your lies, temptress! Your emperor's defeated, and I'm immune to your bewitching good looks.

Woody: You'll be okay in the attic?
Jessie: Of course I will... Besides, I know about Buzz's Spanish Mode.
Buzz Lightyear: My what?

Buzz Lightyear: We're going in the attic now, folks. Keep your accessories with you at all times. Spare parts, batteries, anything you need for an orderly transition.

Jessie: Buzz! Mind if I squeeze in next to you?
Buzz Lightyear: Yes. No! I mean, w-w-why-why would I mind squee-squeezing next to you? - Is it hot in here?

Buzz Lightyear: You can't hit each other, that's my job!

Doug Madsen: Well, what has your wife ever made us?
Bobby Davis: Hard.

Doug Madsen: You screwed up their lives? And by doing that, you decided to screw up our lives? Asshole.

Doug Madsen: You're the sheriff, why don't you go out there?
Charley: I'm the sheriff of a town of 500 people. I got my qualification from a course on the internet. For my arms training, they just told me to play Doom.

Doug Madsen: Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues.
Woody Stevens: Sorry I said you were a pussy.
Doug Madsen: You didn't call me a pussy.
Woody Stevens: Well, not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.

Doug Madsen: You're the sheriff, aren't you going out there?
Charley: Hey, I took my law enforcement course on the internet! For arms training they just told us to play Doom.

Woody Stevens: Come on, guys, we're exhausted. I think we should take the bikes back to the hotel, put them in a shed with the doors closed, and then play Scrabble in the room with the shades down.
Doug Madsen: Look Aunt Bea, maybe you want to do something else here in Mayberry.

Doug Madsen: Did he just say "cracker"?
Dudley Frank: "Cracker-ass."
Doug Madsen: Oh, perfect.

Summer Jones: I see things.
Jack Shepard: Do you see dead people?
Summer Jones: I see you suffer from a massive inferiority complex.
Jack Shepard: I try to hide that so well.

Jack Shepard: That was bolted to the wall.

Cindy Collins: You care about us, right?
Jack Shepard: I brought cake.