Agent 99: Be careful, these lasers will cut off anything they touch.
Maxwell Smart: Which is why wearing boxers was a bad idea.
Quotes from Steve Carell movies and TV shows - page 4 of 5
More Hope Springs quotes
Burt Wonderstone: Are you a lesbian?
Jane: Is every woman who doesn't sleep with you a lesbian?
Burt Wonderstone: Oh, no, I have slept with plenty of lesbians.
Burt Wonderstone: Anton, what could possibly go wrong?
Anton Marvelton: Somebody could die, we can go to prison.
Burt Wonderstone: See? When you say it out loud, it doesn't sound so bad.
Michael Scott: This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.
Michael Scott: It's simply beyond words. It's incalculacable.
Michael Scott: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one."Little Kid Lover." That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Michael Scott: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.
Michael Scott: What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Wow. *Wow.* Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.
Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."
Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Michael Scott: Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam. And me.
Michael Scott: I swore to myself if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh as they saw me coming, and they'd applaud as I walked away.
Michael Scott: Well, here we go, on our way to New York. New York, New York. The city so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.
Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.
Michael Scott: Stir the pot! Stir the melting pot, Pam! Let's do it. Let's get ugly. Let's get real.
Pam Beesly: [To Dwight with the "Asian" card on his forehead] Okay. If I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, man, am I a woman?
The Dundies - S2-E1
Jan Levison: You already had a party on May 5th for no reason.
Michael Scott: No reason! It was the 05-05-05 party. It happens once every billion years.
Jan: And you had a luau. And the tsunami relief fundraiser, which somehow lost a lot of money.
Michael: Okay, no, that was a fun raiser. I think I made that very clear in the flyers. Fun, F-U-N.
Jan: Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have a tsunami fun raiser, Michael.
Michael Scott: Can I ask you a question?
Jan Levison: No.
Michael: This is a business question. It's nothing personal. I promise.
Jan: Fine.
Michael: Are you wearing new perfume today?
Jan: How is that a business question?
Michael: Well, you're wearing it in the office. And...[sniffs Jan]...It... I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy.
Jan: Please don't smell me, Michael.