Quotes from Simon Helberg movies and TV shows

The Hawking Excitation - S5-E21

Howard: Sheldon, you're a condescending jerk. Why would I do anything nice for you?
Sheldon: Um, to go to Jewish heaven?
Howard: Jews don't have heaven.
Sheldon: Well, to avoid Jewish hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell.

The Lizard-Spock Expansion - S2-E8

Howard Wolowitz: If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then FINE, I'm "creepy."

The Vacation Solution - S5-E16

Howard: I'm not signing a pre-nup.
Penny: Alright, Howard Wolowitz, listen up. You sign anything she puts in front of you because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go, there is no way you will be able to find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting!

Brad ★

Howard: Did you hear about the accident in the radiation lab?
Leonard: No, what happened?
Howard: They were injecting rats with radioactive isotopes and one of the techs got bit.
Raj: Did he get superpowers?
Howard: No, he got four stitches and a shot.
Raj: Oh. That's disappointing.

The Lizard-Spock Expansion - S2-E8

Wolowitz: I got the Mars rover stuck in a ditch.
Sheldon Cooper: Where?
Wolowitz: On a dusty highway just outside of Bakersfield. Where do you think? On Mars!

The Classified Materials Turbulence - S2-E22

Penny: What the hell is that?
Wolowitz: Meatloaf.
Leonard: What was it doing on the ceiling?
Wolowitz: That's classified.