Quotes from Philip Seymour Hoffman movies and TV shows

Sandy Lyle: Reuben, I'm in a situation here. We have to leave now.
Reuben Feffer: No. Can we stay a couple more minutes?
Sandy Lyle: Dude, no. This is serious. I just sharted.
Reuben Feffer: I don't know what that means.
Sandy Lyle: I tried to fart and a little shit came out. I just sharted. Now let's go.
Reuben Feffer: You're the most disgusting person I've ever met in my life.

Sandy Lyle: Check out her expression - she's terrified.
Reuben Feffer: She's smiling.
Sandy Lyle: I'm a student of acting, Ruben - she's fakin' it. The woman got spooked, she needed to explore, which is exactly what you're gonna do - you've been given the gift of freedom, don't turn you back on that.
Reuben Feffer: I don't want freedom, Sandy, I wanna be married.

Sandy Lyle: Raindance.

Bunny: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: [Forced laughter.] Hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ahahaha. That's marvellous.
The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.

Truman Capote: It's as if Perry and I grew up in the same house and one day he stood up and went out the back door while I went out the front.

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Gust Avrakotos: You know, me and three other guys are killing Russians. Is it possible that I met the only elected official in town who can help me?

Joanne Herring: Are you Catholic, Mr. Avrakatos?
Gust Avrakotos: Greek Orthodox.
Joanne Herring: Still a Christian, though.
Gust Avrakotos: Imagine my relief.

Charlie Wilson: What's the gift for?
Gust Avrakotos: It's from the Afghan desk for doubling the budget for the Mujahadeen.
Charlie Wilson: Well, thank you.
Gust Avrakotos: It was nothing.
Charlie Wilson: It's a nice bottle of scotch. Must have been hard to get.
Gust Avrakotos: No, doubling the budget was nothing. Ten million dollars for covert ops against the Russian army is meaningless. What are you, an infant?

Charlie Wilson: How old are you?
Mike Vickers: I'll be 30 next week.
Charlie Wilson: This is CIA's weapons expert?
Gust Avrakotos: One of them.
Charlie Wilson: But he's the most senior.
Gust Avrakotos: Look.
Chess Player #1: Mike.
Mike Vickers: Yeah, bishop to queen's knight 7.
Gust Avrakotos: See, he's playing without even looking at the board.
Charlie Wilson: That's a useful skill... if Afghanistan's ever invaded by Boris Spassky.

Gust Avrakotos: Excuse me, what the fuck?

Joanne Herring: I mean, how did you get into the CIA?
Gust Avrakotos: I don't work for the CIA, I work for the Department of Agriculture.
Joanne Herring: Fruit and Plant Division?
Gust Avrakotos: More specifically, apple imports.

Gust Avrakotos: As long as the press sees sex and drugs behind the left hand, you can park a battle carrier behind the right hand and no-one's gonna fucking notice.

Gust Avrakotos: It's called the Milan Anti-Tank Missile.
Charlie Wilson: Can the Afghans win without it?
Gust Avrakotos: No.
Charlie Wilson: End of discussion.

Gust Avrakotos: And with Doc's backing, you'll get the votes of the other committee members.
Charlie Wilson: Yep.
Gust Avrakotos: I don't believe you.
Charlie Wilson: I don't care.

Gust Avrakotos: Yeah, well I'd like to take a moment to review the several ways in which you're a douche bag?

Gust Avrakotos: Promises were made.
Cravely: Not by me.
Gust Avrakotos: I've been with the company for twenty-four years. I was posted in Greece for fifteen. I've advised and armed the Hellenic Army. I've neutralized champions of communism. I've spent the past three years... learning Finnish! Which would come in handy here in Virginia, and I'm never ever sick at sea. So I wanna know why... I'm not gonna be your Helsinki station chief.

Charlie Wilson: You mean to tell me that the U.S. strategy in Afghanistan is to have the Afghans keep walking into machine gun fire 'til the Russians run out of bullets?
Gust Avrakotos: That's Harold Holt's strategy, it's not U.S. strategy.
Charlie Wilson: What is U.S. strategy?
Gust Avrakotos: Well, strictly speaking, we don't have one. But we're working hard on that.
Charlie Wilson: Who's 'we'?
Gust Avrakotos: Me and three other guys.

Joanne Herring: May I ask what it is that I've done to make you dislike me, Mr. Avrakotos?
Gust Avrakotos: I like you just fine, Mrs. Herring, it's just been my experience that when people with money and too much free time get involved in politics, pretty soon, I forget who it is I'm supposed to be shooting at.

Joanne Herring: He may be in trouble with the press, but he stayed out of jail. You don't see God's hand in this?
Gust Avrakotos: Well reasonable people can disagree, but I don't see God anywhere within miles of this. On the other hand, if you slept with me tonight, I bet you I could change my mind in a hurry.

Charlie Wilson: Were you standing at the goddamn door listening to me? How could you even - That is a thick door! You stood there and you listened to me?
Gust Avrakotos: I didn't stand at the door. Don't be an idiot. I bugged the Scotch bottle.
Charlie Wilson: What.
Gust Avrakotos: It's got a little transmitter on it, I've got a little thing in my ear, get past it.