Quotes from Matthew Perry movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2

The One With the Baby on the Bus - S2-E6

Joey: Ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

The One With The Screamer - S3-E22

Monica: Who's number two?
Chandler: 'Whose number two' - one of the more difficult games sewer workers play.

The One with All the Poker - S1-E18

Rachel: You guys, guess what guess what guess what?
Chandler: What, the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending trident?

The One After the Superbowl, part 2 - S2-E13

Chandler: Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Phoebe: Stick a fork what?
Chandler: You know, like when you're cooking a steak.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't eat meat.
Chandler: Well how do you tell when vegetables are done?
Phoebe: Well you just, you know, you eat them and you can tell.
Chandler: Okay, then eat me, I'm done.

The One With The Jam - S3-E3

Chandler: You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance!

The One With The Prom Video - S2-E14

[After Chandler's just mocked Monica for being fat in an old home movie.]
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds 10 pounds!
Chandler: So how many cameras are actually on you?

The One Where Heckles Dies - S2-E3

Rachel: Hey, Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.
Chandler: Neat. I'm gonna die alone!
Rachel: Okay, you win.

Rachel Green: Oh my God, I'm Kip.
Joey Tribianni: You're not Kip.
Rachel Green: Do you even know who Kip is?
Joey Tribianni: Who cares? You're Rachel. Who's Kip?
Chandler Bing: Kip was my old roommate.
Joey Tribianni: Oh, THAT poor bastard.

The One with All the Poker - S1-E18

Rachel: So basically you get your ya-yas from taking money from all of your friends?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less, so.

Ron Clark: Hey Mr. Turner, this is fun.
Principal Turner: You really think it appropriate to do this with the students?
Ron Clark: Well, I'm certainly not gonna Double Dutch with you.

Matt Albie: Look, I hate Los Angeles just like everybody else, but I have to work here because in any other part of the country I'm unemployable.

Oscar Novak: ...she has an ass so sexy, I struggle to understand it.

Oz: What, no Jewish prayer before we have our ham and cheese?
Jimmy: You got a problem with my religiosity, Oz? Do unto others before you turn into a pillar of salt.
Jill: Exactly. Unless they're a rat. Then you can shoot them in the eyes.
Oz: A pillar of salt?
Jimmy: That's right. Moses said that. Read the bible, Oz.

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