Quotes from Margaret Rutherford movies and TV shows

Madame Arcati: Is there anyone there? Is there anyone there? One wrap for yes. Two wraps for no. Is there anyone there?

Madame Arcati: I presume that's the gramophone?
Charles Condomine: Would you like me to start if for you? It's an electric one.
Madame Arcati: No, please stay where you are. I can manage.

Ruth Condomine: Madame Arcati, I'm profoundly disturbed and I want your help.
Madame Arcati: Splendid! I thought as much. Fire away.

Madame Arcati: Now, what have we here? Brahms. Oh, dear me. No. Rachmaninoff. Too florid. Where's the dance music?

Madame Arcati: You're just in time for a cup of tea. That's if you don't mind China?
Ruth Condomine: Not at all.
Madame Arcati: I never touch Indian. It upsets my vibrations.

Madame Arcati: Some mediums prefer Indians, of course. But, personally I've always found them unreliable.
Ruth Condomine: In what way, unreliable?
Madame Arcati: Well, to start with, they're frightfully lazy. Also, when faced with any sort of difficulty, they're apt to go off into their own tribal language - which is naturally unintelligible. That generally spoils everything and wastes a good deal of time.

Madame Arcati: We might contact a poltergeist - which would be extremely destructive and noisy.
Ruth Condomine: In what way destructive?
Madame Arcati: They throw things, you know.
Ruth Condomine: No. I didn't know.

Craddock: Have they got any other servants?
Miss Marple: Yes they have, Inspector.
Craddock: Good Lord! You.
Miss Marple: Yes. Dotty old me.

Ackenthorpe: There is one thing I cannot tolerate, and that is impertinence.
Miss Marple: Well, we should get on admirably. Neither can I.

Miss Marple: I'm afraid I never can resist my own pie, Inspector. Anybody else's, of course.

Ackenthorpe: If you don't shut those windows you'll be fired.
Miss Marple: In that case I shall require four weeks' wages in lieu of notice.
Ackenthorpe: Get out of my sight, woman.
Miss Marple: With pleasure.

Ackenthorpe: I hope it'll be a long time before I have to put up with the whole pack of them again.
Miss Marple: Not a very nice way to talk about one's family.
Ackenthorpe: Not a very nice family.

Ackenthorpe: Well, I've decided to marry you.
Miss Marple: Well, I'm honored, of course.
Ackenthorpe: Of course you are, but come to the point.
Miss Marple: I'm afraid that cannot be.
Ackenthorpe: Why?
Miss Marple: Well, if ever I do embark on such a venture, there is someone else.
Ackenthorpe: Nonsense! I don't believe it. Who on earth would have you?

Ackenthorpe: Cod's as good as lobster any day, and much cheaper.
Miss Marple: Well, that depends on whether or not one has a palate unsullied by cheap opiates.
Ackenthorpe: If you mean what I think you mean, I'll have you know this cheroot cost two shillings.
Miss Marple: Yes. Quite.

Miss Marple: A policeman's work is never done.