Quotes from Lake Bell movies and TV shows

Carol: I just want to give you my card. I'm not a vocal coach anymore, but I would make an exception for you because you sound like a squeaky toy. And I don't mean that in a bad way.

Carol: This Wednesday, one woman will teach another woman to sound a little less retarded.

Nancy: I've got a confession to make. I'm not really your blind date, Jack.
Jack: What? Are you even 24?
Nancy: No! Add an other 10. I was just merely trying to meet my mate in the modern world.

Jack: Congratulations on your massive pack of lies!
Nancy: Thank you!
Jack: God, you're such a cynic!
Nancy: And you're such a romantic.

Nancy: I met a man today. For the first time in ages, I put myself out there. And I took a chance. Blah, blah, blah, the end.

Annie Dwyer: If we die here tomorrow, it will have been worth it.

Lucy: Chuck! If I catch you taking pictures of your dick one more time I'm taking that thing away.

Lucy: Fuck you, Chuck! You're very talented but fuck you!

Ashley: Dan! Sorry, the phone scared me so I killed it.

Ashley: I hope you don't mind me asking, but how, um... How did it happen?
Henry: She was crushed by an angel and as sad as I am, I do appreciate the irony.

Chloe: Max, Come on, I'm your friend. Okay? And as your friend, I gotta be honest with you. I don't care about you or your problems.

Chloe: And, when that random cat tried to eat Sweet Pea, who saved him?
Buddy: It wasn't a random cat. It was you.
Chloe: The identity of the random cat is not the point. We're talking about who saved him.
Mel: Max did.

Chloe: Because she's a dog person, Max. And dog people do weird, inexplicable things. Like... they get dogs instead of cats.

Tipper: If I could kill someone with my mind right now, it would be you.

Tipper: I just wanna junk-punch him in his man business.

Tipper: You know why.