Quotes from Jim Carrey movies and TV shows - page 6 of 8

Jane: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!

Greta: Mr. Reede, several years ago a friend of mine had a burglar on her roof, a burglar. He fell through the kitchen skylight, landed on a cutting board, on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg. The burglar sued my friend, he sued my friend. And because of guys like you *he won*. My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000. Is that justice?
Fletcher: No! I'd have got him ten.

Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt!
Fletcher: I hold *myself* in contempt! Why should you be any different?

Judge Stevens: How are we this morning, Counselor?
Dana: Fine, thank you.
Judge Stevens: And how about you, Mr. Reede?
Fletcher: I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.
Judge Stevens: Well, you're young. It'll happen more and more. In the meantime, what do you say we get down to business?

Greta: Boss? Boss, it's Skull. He knocked over another ATM, this time at knifepoint. He needs your legal advice.
Fletcher Reede: STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!

Peter Appleton: I thought this was a democracy.
Leo Kubelsky: The Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, they're all just pieces of paper with signatures on them. And you know what a piece of paper with a signature is: a contract. Something that can be renegotiated at any time. Just so happens that the House un-American activities committee is renegotiating the contract this time around. Next time it will be somebody else, but it will always be somebody.

Elvin Clyde: Who did you go as?
Peter Appleton: A horny young man.

Andy Kaufman: I'm going to the Philippines.
George Shapiro: The Philippines? What's in the Philippines?
Andy Kaufman: A miracle.

Andy Kaufman: Since you've all been such good boys and girls, I would like to take everybody in this entire audience out for milk and cookies. There are buses outside. Everybody follow me.

Andy Kaufman: You don't know the real me.
Lynne Margulies: There isn't a real you.
Andy Kaufman: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Lynne Margulies: So, you just pretend to be an asshole.
Andy Kaufman: It's what I'm good at.

The Mask: Our love is like a red, red rose... And I am a little thorny.

The Mask: Ooh, somebody stop me!

The Mask: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSMOKIN'!

[Doyle and a cop are going through the Mask's pockets.]
Dolye: A picture of Calloway's wife.
Lt. Calloway: What? Margaret! You son of a bitch!
The Mask: Geez. I'd figure you'd have a sense of humor. After all, you married her.

The Mask: It's party time. P, A, R, T. Y? Because I gotta!

Charlie Schumacher: A girl like that is always looking for the BBD. Bigger Better Deal.
Stanley Ipkiss: You don't know that, Charlie. She's an artist. She's... She's sensitive.
Charlie Schumacher: Stanley, listen to me. That girl will tear your heart out, put it in a blender and hit "frappe."

Hank Evans: Listen, Pocahontas, unless you put your ear to the ground, you'll never hear the buffalo comin'!
Irene P. Waters: Ok, look, I don't know what that means!

Mr. Popper: Hello! I have to send the penguins back.
Voice On Phone: Send-da-penguin?
Mr. Popper: Yes, send penguins.

Walter Sparrow: I could have died there on the street, but that wouldn't have been justice. At least not the justice fathers teach their sons.