Quotes from Jason Sudeikis movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2

Lainey: If you want someone to fall for you, you gotta be you.
Jake: Yeah I don't think I like me enough to introduce him to other people.

Lainey: Are you saying I'm crack cocaine?
Jake: Yeah. Don't sell yourself short. We wouldn't have the west wing without you.

Jake: First off, in our initial conversations about exclusivity, I distinctly recall you saying something about "staying casual," yeah?
Hannah: I only said that.
Jake: Most likely because you thought that was what I wanted to hear, yes?
Hannah: Yes.
Jake: Okay. Well, me taking you at your word doesn't make me an asshole. It does however make you a liar.

Andrew McDonnell: Lady, that's not yours to ruin.

Andrew McDonnell: Oh yeah, you make deer condoms, huh?

Andrew McDonnell: I see what's going on here, you're just a crazy person.

Styist: OK, what are we doing today?
David Clark: Yeah. I say, give me somethin' that says "I get up every morning at 5:30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job where my jag-off boss expects me to kiss his balls all day just so I can afford to keep my ungrateful, screaming kids decked out in Dora the Explorer shit, and my wife up to her fat ass in self-help videos, until the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth."
Middle Aged Man: [Pointing to himself.] Right here.
David Clark: Yeah. That's it. That's the one.

Rose O'Reilly: You're such a dick. Have fun dying alone, jerk.
David Clark: Yeah, have fun digging out those singles from your crotch!
Rose O'Reilly: My crotch only takes twenties, David.

Casey Mathis: These assholes are trying to steal my iPhone!
David Clark: Wait, you have an iPhone? Aren't you homeless?
Casey Mathis: So? Fuck you, dude!

Kenny Rossmore: Hey, David.
David Clark: Hi, Kenny.
Kenny Rossmore: So, I heard you and Mrs. O'Reilly fighting.
David Clark: It's called flirting, Kenny. You'll learn about it in college. What the hell are you doing up? It's almost two. Where's your mom?
Kenny Rossmore: Uh, she went for a drink with a friend.
David Clark: When?
Kenny Rossmore: Last week.

Scottie P: You know what I'm sayin?
David Clark: Well, I'm awake and I speak English, so yeah, I know what you're saying.

David Clark: Oh, my God. You're a dude! Scared the hell out of me! I mean your voice was so much deeper than your bone structure.

David Burke: This is not a smidge! You'€™ve got me moving enough weed to kill Willie Nelson, man!