Quotes from Jack Black movies and TV shows - page 5 of 5

Jill: Hal... I'm not attracted to you.
Hal: So what? What, you think that everyone who goes out are always attracted to each other? Get real.

Hal: And Vicki?
Mauricio: Who?
Hal: Vicki.
Mauricio: Who's Vicki?
Hal: Vicki. Vicki, with the short brown hair.
Mauricio: Vicki? I thought that was a guy! I was calling her Vic.

Walt: Don't you read the business section?
Hal: Why, what's up?
Walt: I just sold my company to Microsoft.
Hal: Yeah, you cleaned up?
Walt: Let's just say if I had an ass, I'd wipe it with twenties.

Hal: Hey, if you can see something and hear it and smell it, what keeps it from being real?
Mauricio: Third Party Perspective.

Hal: I bet on horses sometimes, but I don't really care about the money.
Rosemary: I never read that book.
Hal: What book?
Rosemary: Things losers say.

Frankie: Sorry, pop. Lenny had a little accident. He was born.
Lenny: Ha ha. You're a comedy genius.

Angie: You're going way too far, Oscar.
Lenny: Actually, he hasn't gone far enough.
Oscar: Exactly... what?

Open Mic Host: We've got one spot left. You guys got any new material?
JB: What we got's gonna turn your brain into shit.

JB: Now our masterpiece will never happen because we won't be fueled by Satan.

JB: I told you, we're just two fuckin' business men on our way to see some shit in Sacramento.

JB: What do you want, 'Non-Rocker'? This line is reserved for 'Rockers Only', so I can't really talk to you right now.

JB: Holy Fuckalukadingdong.

Jeff Portnoy: Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.
Alpa Chino: Man, I told you for the last time, I love tha pussy!
Jeff Portnoy: I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy. Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.

Zed: You could be my right-hand man.
Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.

Zed: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.

Oh: I'm a virgin by choice.
Zed: Ha. Not your choice!