Quotes from Dave Goelz movies and TV shows

Kermit: What's wrong with the drummer? He looks a little crazed.
Zoot: Oh, he's just upset about missing the Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery.
Animal: Renoir.

Beauregard: What's your room number?
Kermit: What?
Fozzie: I don't know, but we're on the second floor.
Beauregard: Oh, I'm sorry. I can only take you as far as the lobby.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: I suggest we jump.
Fozzie: Are you crazy? That's at least a hundred feet.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: I didn't say it was a good suggestion.
Beauregard: Maybe we could jump part-way.

Beauregard: Takes awhile to get to know the town.
Fozzie: How long have you lived in London?
Beauregard: All my life.
Kermit: How come you don't have an English accent?
Beauregard: Hey, I'm lucky to have a driver's license.

The Great Gonzo: This is Luc Fromage. He works with Cirque Du Soilet.
Luc Fromage: Behold, I give you my theatrical masterpiece.
Kermit: "Cirque Du So Lame?" Luc, I don't think it would be nice to have the word "lame" in our show.
Luc Fromage: It is not "lame"! It's "lah-mehy".

The Great Gonzo: Hmmm. Let's see. Shiny nose, laughing and calling names... I got it! Meet the new star of our show: Frosty the Snow-Rat.
Kermit: Gee Gonzo, I thought you would have gone with Rizzo the Red-Nosed Rat-Deer.
The Great Gonzo: Well, sure, if you want to go for the obvious.

Pepe the Prawn: I got good news! I got the fire permit, the health permit, the permit to open a topless nightclub, all the contracts.
The Great Gonzo: Wait a minute. The permit to open a topless nightclub?
Pepe the Prawn: Better safe than sorry, okay?
The Great Gonzo: Good point.

Rizzo the rat: Gonzo, I sold my collection of rare cheese to buy you this crystal petri dish for your mold collection.
The Great Gonzo: Oh. Uh, gee, Rizzo. I sold my mold collection to buy you this diamond-tipped cheese slicer.
Rizzo the rat: Did you save the receipt?

Rizzo the Rat: There are two things I hate: heights and jumping from them.

Gonzo: Hello, London!
Rizzo the Rat: Goodbye, lunch!

Cubs Fan ★

Ed Singer: They are coming to Earth, aren't they?
Gonzo: I don't know.
Ed Singer: How many of them are there?
Gonzo: I don't know.
Ed Singer: When will they be here? And don't you dare tell me that you don't know.
Gonzo: I know not?

Ubergonzo: Gonzo, by surviving and thriving on this alien planet, you have proven yourself audacious, courageous, and distinctly one-of-a-kind. We welcome you back with our most ceremonious of ceremonies.
Gonzo: What's that?
Ubergonzo: We gonna blow you up, baby.

Agent Barker: We feel your pain, Gonzo.
Gonzo: They feel my pain.
Rizzo: I've got a paper-cut that's a doozy. You feel my pain, too?

Gonzo: Rizzo, come here, my Cap'n Alphabet is sending me a message: R U There.
Rizzo: Are you sure it didn't say "you need help"?

Ed Singer: Forgive me my Earthly manners, but, uh, do you have any idea what it's like to be laughed at?
Gonzo: Yeah, sure I do.
Ed Singer: To be called names, like 'wacko.'.
Gonzo: Uh-huh.
Ed Singer: And 'freak-boy.'.
Gonzo: Oh, yeah.
Ed Singer: And 'paranoid delusional psychopath'?
Gonzo: Got me there.

Gonzo: Hey, Rizzo, come here! I think my Kap'n Alphabet is sending me a message.
Rizzo the Rat: Yeah, I know what you mean. I had some guacamole last night, and it's still speaking to me.

Gonzo: Rizzo?
Rizzo: Gonzo?
Miss Piggy: Kermy?
Kermit: Piggy?
TV Producer: What is going on here?

Gonzo: I had that weird dream again.
Rizzo the Rat: You mean the one with the goat and the dwarf and the jar of peanut butter?

Gonzo: Come on, fellas. Take me to my leader.

Gonzo: Remember, I built this new Jacuzzi for my alien family, so please, no eating in the spa.