Quotes from Celia Imrie movies and TV shows

Bif: Last time I checked there wasn't an age limit on getting your leg over.

Bif: How did your Internet date go at the weekend?
Jackie: Well, let's just say I got more than I bargained for.
Bif: Ooh, lucky you.
Jackie: No, he showed up with his wife in tow. Turns out I'd clicked swinging instead of swimming on my list of likes.

Tessa: This man's as useless as a fart in a jam jar.

Tessa: Will you fuck off with the fucking candles?

Ned: So, who's the lucky chap? What's his name?
Rachel: Her name... is Luce.
Tessa: Luce? As in a woman? As are you a woman? So you mean you two are lesbifriends?
Rachel: It doesn't matter what you call it, it's not going to happen.

Tessa: Cooper, that trollop. That man would shag an open wound.