Quotes from Bruno Kirby movies and TV shows

Ed Furillo: What if you don't encourage them, and they still come after you?
Mitch Robbins: It doesn't happen. See, women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
Bonnie Rayburn: Good night! I'm going to bed.
Mitch Robbins: Good night! Sleep tight.
Ed Furillo: That was flirting.
Mitch Robbins: No, that was... Politeness. That was "have a pleasant and restful evening."
Ed Furillo: No, that was "I like your ass. Can I wear it as a hat?"

Mitch Robbins: Those cows trusted us.
Ed Furillo: Trusted us? They followed us because we yelled, 'Yah'. They're cattle.

Ed Furillo: I'm 14 and my mother and father are fighting again... Y'know, because she caught him again. Caught him... This time the girl drove by the house to pick him up. And I finally realized, he wasn't just cheating on my mother, he was cheating on us. So I told him, I said, "You're bad to us. We don't love you. I'll take care of my mother and my sister. We don't need you any more." And he made like he was gonna hit me, but I didn't budge. And he turned around and he left. He never bothered us again. Well, I took care of my mother and my sister from that day on. That's my best day.
Phil Berquist: What was you're worst day?
Ed Furillo: Same day.

Mitch Robbins: If you're watching what you're recording, then it has to be on 3.
Phil Berquist: What... The TV or... Or the machine?
Mitch Robbins: The TV.
Phil Berquist: You're saying I can record something I'm not even watching?
Mitch Robbins: Yes, that's the point. You don't even need a TV to record.
Phil Berquist: How would I see it?
Mitch Robbins: Well to see it you need a TV.
Ed Furillo: Shut up! Just shut up! He doesn't get it! He'll never get it! It's been 4 hours! The cows can tape something by now! Forget about it please!
Phil Berquist: How do you do the clock?
Ed Furillo: You're dead. You are dead.

Victor Ray: How about I give you a hand with those bags?
Clark Kellogg: Oh, no thanks. I'm fine.
Victor Ray: You're a smart kid. Rule number one: don't let anybody touch your bags, kid.

Jess: Draw something resembling anything!

Harry Burns: Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.
Marie: Harry.
Harry Burns: Please, Jess, Marie. Do me a favor, for your own good, put your name in your books right now before they get mixed up and you won't know whose is whose. 'Cause someday, believe it or not, you'll go 15 rounds over who's gonna get this coffee table. This stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale coffee table!
Jess: I thought you liked it?
Harry Burns: I was being nice!

Jess: Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong.
Harry Burns: Oh really? Well, that "symptom" is fucking my wife.

Jess: You made a woman meow?