Quotes from Ben Stiller movies and TV shows - page 3 of 6

Jack Byrnes: Greg's a male nurse.
Greg Focker: Yes. Thank you, Jack.
Kevin: Wow, that's great. I'd love to find time to do some volunteer work. Just the other day I saw a golden retriever, he had like a gimp, ya know I just wish I could have done something.
Greg Focker: Yeah, well I get paid too so it's sort of an everyone wins thing.

Kevin: There he is. Okay, G-Man, we've got swordfish and we've got salmon, what'll it be?
Greg Focker: How 'bout a little of both, K-Dog, I'm pretty hungry.
Jack Byrnes: I think they call that the 'munchies'.

Greg Focker: Oh, oh check my pulse on this one, Jack. Do I think you're a psycho? Yes.

Greg Focker: O dear God, thank you. You are such a good God to us. A kind and gentle and accommodating God. And we thank You O sweet, sweet Lord of hosts for the smörgåsbord You have so aptly lain at our table this day, and each day... by day. Day by day... by day. O dear Lord, three things we pray: To love Thee more dearly, to see Thee more, to follow Thee more nearly day by day... by day. Amen.

Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you ever really trust another human being, Greg?
Greg Focker: Sure, I think so.
Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you cannot.

Jack Byrnes: Greg's in medicine too.
Bob Banks: What field?
Greg Focker: Nursing.
Bob Banks: Ha ha ha ha. No, really, what field are you in?
Greg Focker: Nursing.

Pam Byrnes: Greg honey, how are you doing?
Greg Focker: Oh great, considering I desecrated your Grandma's remains, found out you were engaged, and had your father ask me to milk him.

Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a very unique last name. Um, we were curious, how do you pronounce it?
Greg Focker: Oh, just like it's spelled. F-O-C-K-E-R.
Dina Byrnes: F-Focker.
Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker. Hmm.

Jack Byrnes: What are you driving there? Ford?
Greg Focker: Yeah it's a Taurus. Yeah, we were going to get a mid-size, but I figure, hey, we pull down decent bucks. Might as well go all out, and pop for the full-size.
Jack Byrnes: Sure. Interesting color. You pick it?
Greg Focker: Oh, no, the guy at the counter. Why?
Jack Byrnes: Well, they say geniuses pick green. But you didn't pick it.

Larry Daley: This is the Smithsonian! This is the big leagues!

Larry Daley: I'm sorry. Last time I checked, I thought we lived in a free country. So...
Smithsonian Security Guard: No, we don't.
Larry Daley: No?
Smithsonian Security Guard: It's the United States of "Don't Touch That Thing Right in Front of You."

Sir Lancelot: You always put the monkey in charge?
Larry Daley: Oh, he's not in charge, we're just following him.
Sir Lancelot: That's what being in charge means.

Walter Mitty: To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

Trawler Captain: You have at least a minute before you freeze.
Walter Mitty: What?
Trawler Captain: You are safe.

Ted: I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.

Ted: I think I still want to look her up.
Pat Healy: Who, rollerpig? Are you nuts?
Ted: You said she was a real sparkplug.
Pat Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.

Ted: I say they should put more meats on a stick, you know? They got a lot of sweets on sticks-popsicles, fudgesicles, lollipops - but hardly any meat.
Mary: I agree there should be more.
Ted: You know what I'd like to see? Meat in a cone. You could put corned beef hash in a cone, or chopped liver.

Pat Healy: What, you think yer shit don't stink?
Ted: No, I don't think, I mean, yes it does, no I don't.

Mary: Hey, you want to go upstairs and watch SportsCenter?
Ted: No, I think I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead.
Mary: You're not that far ahead, Ted.

Tugg Speedman: There were times while I was playing Jack where I felt...ret***ed. Like, really ret***ed.
Kirk Lazarus: Moronical?
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: An imbicile?
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived?
Tugg Speedman: ...when I was playing the character.