Mark Greene: There are no small patients, Carter.
Dave Malucci: What about dwarves?
Jonathan: You're right, I'm on drugs. I'm a junkie, you know, I mainline, I freebase, I put cocaine on my cornflakes.
Jonathan: Mon crayon est large.
Jonathan: I would kill or die to make love to you.
Harry Washello: I know how this sounds, but I answered the phone out there and the guy on the other end he was very, very frantic. He thought I was his dad for a minute, I think he just had the wrong area code.
Fred the Cook: Yeah, so what?
Harry Washello: So he was calling from a missile silo! He said that they were locked in, 50 minutes and counting, to shoot off their nuclear wad. We would be getting it back in an hour and 10. I mean he meant that we're at war! Nuclear war.
Julie Peters: People are gonna help each other, aren't they? Rebuilding things?
Harry Washello: I think it's the insects' turn.
Harry Washello: I was just wondering if you know if anyone here had a son named Chip.
Stewardess: I had an uncle named Chett.
Harry Washello: Does she always sleep this deep?
Lucy Peters: She took a Valium.
Lucy Peters: Wait a minute! You just tell me what the hell's going on.
Harry Washello: Mrs. Peters, in a half-an-hour there's going to be a full-on nuclear attack. The missiles are on their way now. L.A.'s going to be a desert again very soon.
Gib: I'm gonna miss you, Lance.
Lance: It's your own fault, you know. You should be coming out to California with me.
Gib: Yeah, right. Get a totally bitchin' education out there, dude. California. You could be coming to New England with me, you know.
Lance: Are you crazy? The Ivy leagues stink. All they got there are those ugly intellectual girls with Band-Aids on their knees from playing the cello. No thank you.
Brains: Fu-fu-nno way.
Goose: The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.
Slider: Goose, whose butt did you kiss to get in here anyway?
Goose: The list is long, but distinguished.
Slider: Yeah, well so is my Johnson.
Goose: Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit!
