Quotes from Alan Tudyk movies and TV shows

Jaynestown - S1-E4

[About Jayne's statue.]
Wash: I think they captured him. Captured his esscence, you know?
Kaylee: He looks kinda angry.
Wash: That's kinda what I meant.

The Message - S1-E15

Mal: If he calls back, keep him occupied.
Wash: What do I do, shadow puppets?

War Stories - S1-E9

Mal: I know it's a difficult mission, but you and I...have to get it on.
Zoe: I understand. We have no choice. Take me sir, take me hard.
Jayne: Now something about that is just downright unsettling.
[Mal and Zoe awkwardly lean in towards a kiss].
Wash: [dragging Zoe away] We'll be in our bunk.

Jon Sandys ★

Heart of Gold - S1-E13

Kaylee: Everyone's got somebody. Wash, tell me I'm pretty.
Wash: Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.
Kaylee: 'Cause I'm pretty?
Wash: 'Cause you're pretty.

Jon Sandys ★

Detective Spooner: Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot turn a canvas into a beautiful painting?
Sonny: Can you?

Sonny: 2880 steps, detective.
Del Spooner: Do me a favor and keep that kind of shit to yourself.

Mal: Just get us on the ground.
Wash: That part will happen most definitely.

Wash: I don't know, but if she doesn't give more power to offset the burn through this landing is going to get very interesting.
Mal: Define interesting.
Wash: "Oh God, Oh God we're all going to die"?
Mal: [Talking into the intercom.] This the captain speaking. We might experience some turbulence, then explode.

Wash: I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.

Tucker: What am I supposed to say, Dale?"Oh hidy-ho officer! We've had a doozy of a day. There we were minding our own business, just doing chores around the house when kids started killing themselves all over my property."
Dale: Yeah, yeah, just like that.
Tucker: They're never gonna believe that.
Dale: But that's exactly what happened.

Tucker: He's heavy for half a guy.

Tucker: Holy shit. We have go to hide all of the sharp objects.

Dale: That's a PBR, buddy.
Tucker: That-that's a thing of beauty.

Tucker: When you see a college girl prancin' around in front of you half naked, you do not call out my name.

Valentino: My wish is for a utopia where all animals are equal. And wear clothes.

Valentino: Careful, my mother was shaved for that yarn.

[King Candy puts on a pair of glasses.]
King Candy: You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?
[Ralph takes off the glasses and hits him on the head with them.]
King Candy: You hit a guy with glasses. That's well played.