Oscar Madison: The wick is almost out, Felix. All I want is for the candle to glow one last time rather than curse the darkness.
Felix Ungar: It's not going out, Oscar, not yours and not mine. But I still have hope that somewhere out there we'll find the right lamplighter.
Oscar Madison: You know, we just used so many metaphors I forgot what the hell we were talking about.
Felix Ungar: Los Pintos, Los Bresis, Los Picos. Sound familiar?
Oscar Madison: Yeah they're hotels in Aucopoco.
Felix Ungar: Ha ha! Look a car has to come from some direction. I'm gonna go stand on the other side of the road.
Oscar Madison: So we can catch all the heavy traffic at five o'clock at Los Picos.
Felix Ungar: Got a better idea, Los Idiot?
Oscar Madison: Was it San Marino?
Felix Ungar: Not San Marino, maybe San Quentino.
Oscar Madison: Not San Quentino, San Sorina.
Felix Ungar: No not San Sorina.
Oscar Madison: San Mateo. San Clemente. Roberto Clemente.
Felix Ungar: Sancho Pancho. Pancho Gonzales.
Oscar Madison: Ferrando Lamas, Ricardo Montalban.
Felix Ungar: Ricky Ricardo.
Oscar Madison: It took us 2 hours to get here. It's gonna take us 5 hours to go back because I don't know how the hell we got here in the first place. Then we'd have to make three stops: one for you to pee, one for you to let locked in the john, one to pay a kid $5 to get out, and then we'd have to stop again for you to eat. Do you understand what I'm talking about?