Rod Kimble: Have fun being married to satan.
Frank: I'm gonna knock the ridiculous mustache right off your face!
Rod: All great men have mustaches, Frank!
Frank: Yeah, but real men actually grow them!
Rod: You know I have a hormone disorder!
Frank: BOO!
Denise: Tai Chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind you'll be able to perform at the peak of your abilities.
Rod Kimble: Yes, sensei.
Denise: You don't have to call me sensei, Rod.
Rod Kimble: Got it. Sensei, I have a question: Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?
Denise: I'm not gonna lie to you, Rod. That move does exist. But you're not ready for it yet.
Rod Kimble: You have only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional.
Rod Kimble: Life is pain - we've got to scrape the joy from it every chance we get.
Frank Powell: Never sneak up on a man who's been in a chemical fire.
Dave: You know, pools are perfect for holding water.
Cathy: Why do you call yourself Voltron, Dave?
Dave: I don't know, Cathy, maybe because it's super badass?
Rod Kimble: What's going on? Is this some sort of interactive theatre art piece?
Rod Kimble: I'd rather die than live in a world where I can't kick your ass.
Rico: I'm freakin pumped! I've been drinking green tea all goddamn day.
Barry Pasternak: I've got a tattoo here that fully illustrates my point. It's of this rebellious young man, and he's urinating on an FM radio. And then this other stream of urine is going onto that television set. Implausible, I know, but I like to think that he had sex the night before, and a little bit of residue is blocking his urethra, allowing the urine to flow in two separate directions.
Newswoman: The dog walked itself home, ate a pizza and took a nap.
Rod Kimble: Who wants to see me do a big-ass stunt?
Rod Kimble: I needed to think about last night. So I galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out my rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, I realised what has to be done.
Rod Kimble: Funky Fresh.
Rod Kimble: We don't talk much, do we? Kathy, was it? My name's Rod. I do awesome stunts all the time with my friends. You probably didn't know that. And you probably have lots of cool stuff about you that I don't know. Point is, if you don't sit down with someone and really talk and get to know them you'll never find those things out. So what do you say? Wanna make this thing official?
Dave: Oh, whoa, wait, what? Why is Rod kissing his sister?
Kevin Powell: Oh, Denise isn't his sister.
Dave: She's not?
Kevin Powell: No.
Dave: Oh. That shatters my entire universe.
Dave: He's going in circles.
