Horace: Wolfman's got nards.
Phoebe: Come on. Don't be chicken shit.
Patrick: Aww, man, fat kid farted.
Sean: If we pull this off, I'm gonna shit.
Opening Text: One hundred years before this story begins... it was a time of darkness in Transylvania... A time when Dr. Abraham Van Helsing... and a small band of freedom fighters... conspired to rid the world of vampires and monsters... and to save mankind from the forces of eternal evil... They blew it.
Eugene: Creature stole my twinkie.
Frankenstein: Bogus! Bogus.
Eugene: Is she a versgin?
Scary German Guy: Yes, she can do it.
Patrick: She can't read, she's five years old.
Scary German Guy: I'll help her.
Detective Sapir: That's it, Del. This case is too hard, man, Let's be firemen instead.
Det. Del Crenshaw: I'm glad you're gettin' major laughs outta this, Rich. The problem is two-thousand year-old dead guys do not get up and walk away by themselves.
Horace: No, Sean! Scary house! Real monsters! Us, twelve years old, remember?
Sean: Midnight, end of the world, remember?