Alastair Campbell: You going to speak to the Queen?
Tony Blair: Yep.
Alastair Campbell: Ask her if SHE greased the brakes.
Tony Blair: Now, now.
HM Queen Elizabeth II: Nowadays people want glamor and tears, the grand performance. I've never been good at that.
HM Queen Elizabeth II: Oh has anyone heard from Spencers' yet? Have they made up their minds when the funeral will be?
HM The Queen Mother: Hmm? Well I don't know, nobody tells me anything.
Prince Philip: Move over, Cabbage.
Prince Charles: They're going back to sleep, or try anyways. My private secretary office have found a travel agency out in New York that will sell me a flight to Paris, with a hour stop over in Manchester. Perhaps now you might like to consider whether it's still an extravagance to bring back the mother of the future king of England. In one of our planes.
Prince Philip: Your tea is getting cold.
Prince Philip: It's not right, you know.
HM Queen Elizabeth II: No, but further discussion is no longer helpful, either.
Robin Janvrin: The Prime Minister is on his way, ma'am.
HM Queen Elizabeth II: To be, Robin, Prime Minister to be. I haven't asked him yet.
Equerry: And remember, it's "Ma'am" as in "ham", not "Ma'am" as in "farm."
Prince Philip: Elton John wishes to sing at the funeral. Should be a first for Westminster Abbey.
Prince Charles: Why is it? Why do they hate us so?
HM Queen Elizabeth II: Not us, dear.
Prince Charles: What?
HM Queen Elizabeth II: Hmm?
Prince Philip: Your sister called, from Tuscany.
HM Queen Elizabeth II: I hope you told her to come back, cut her holiday short.
Prince Philip: I did.
HM Queen Elizabeth II: I'd imagine she was pleased.
Prince Philip: That's putting it milder.
HM Queen Elizabeth II: What did she say?
Prince Philip: Something about Diana managing to be even more annoying dead than alive.
HM Queen Elizabeth II: Just make sure you never let the boys hear you talk like that.
