American Pie: Band Camp

American Pie: Band Camp (2005)


Mr. Levenstein: We didn't have MTV when I was growing up. So maybe it's the overstimulated times that we live in that causes young men to stick their... Instruments in such... Odd places. I knew a certain young men once who actually engaged in sexual congress with an apple pie, and he turned out just fine. So, uhh... You're perfectly normal.

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Ernie Kaplowitz: Get her drunk? That's the secret of the ages, that's step number two?
Matt Stifler: No, actually it's step four - but you don't have the balls for two, or the tongue for three!

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Ernie Kaplowitz: I really want to work for NASA.
Matt Stifler: National Anal Sex Association?
Ernie Kaplowitz: No it's Space Assoc... There's an Anal Sex Association?
Matt Stifler: Oh, yeah, but you've got to be a pro. Wait, there's a Space Association?

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Ernie Kaplowitz: Are you really Scottish?
Matt Stifler: Fuck no! My mom made me learn an instrument; that's the most annoying one I could think of.

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Matt Stifler: I'll have you giving Chloe the pelvic noogie inside a week.

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Matt Stifler: Bite my nuts and call me Skippy.

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