Robin Williams: The poor Canadian snowboarder, in the 1998 Olympics, they took away his medal because he tested positive for marijuana, which is kinda redundant number one, number two, they said that marijuana was a "performance-enhancing drug." Marijuana enhances many things, colors, flavors, sensations, but you are certainly not fucking empowered. When you're stoned, you're lucky if you can find your own goddamn feet. The only way it's a performance-enhancing drug is if there's a big fucking Hershey bar at the end of the run. Then you'll be like a Swiss ski jumper going, "I'm there!"
Robin Williams: When did Ted Kennedy become Jabba the Hutt?
Robin Williams: "I go to boxing to watch the sport of boxing." That's like saying, "I go to stock car races to see people take left turns all day." No, you go to boxing to see somebody get the fuck beaten out of 'em.
Robin Williams: Why get your tongue pierced? And she says, "To enahthe the thekthual thtimulathon."
Robin Williams: The Biathalon is like Norwegian Drive-By.
Robin Williams: Cut the foreplay, let's have ice fucking.
Robin Williams: Canada's like a loft apartment over a really great party.