Horace Tabor: Wait a minute! You can't buy a woman for money.
Mad Jack Duncan: You just try and get one without it.
Ben: You was down at the rapids just now, bare beam and buck naked?
Elizabeth: Well, I'm not like to take a bath with my clothes on, Mr. Rumson.
Ben: Are you trying to tell me that you was taking a bath?
Elizabeth: That's right. I was taking a bath.
Ben: In the middle of the night?
Elizabeth: Mr. Rumson, in a community of 400 men, would you rather I took my bath "bare beam and buck naked" in the middle of the day?
Parson: Ye godless jaspers! Who are ya? Freemasons? Rosicrucians? Heathen emissaries from the depths of Babylon? Boozers! Gluttons! Gamblers! Fornicators.
Steve Bull: Whassa fornicator?
Haywood Holbrook: I dunno. I ain't a religious man.
Rumson: You show me in them commandments where it says a woman cain't have two husbands.
Pardner: There AIN'T no commandment like that.
Horton: Mr. Rumson, I swore I wouldn't tell anyone. I hope that means except my father and mother.
Ben Rumson: That means especially your father and mother.
Horton: But I've never kept anything from them before.
Ben Rumson: Well, it's time you started. Because when you do, a whole new world opens up.
Elizabeth: Did you know that the Fenty's had an apple farm back in Pennsylvania?
Ben Rumson: Apple jack, huh?
Mr. Fenty: No, sir, we did not make apple jack.
Ben Rumson: Then, what did you grow the apples for?
Mr. Fenty: Mr. Rumson, do you think that everything that comes out of the earth should be used to make liquor?
Ben Rumson: Whenever possible, yes.
Rumson: She's picked up a bad case of the respectabilities. And in just a few days from now, that poor woman's going to be burnin' up in a fever of virtue. And then look OUT.
Rumson: Pardner, it's been my experience that there ain't nothin' more ruthless and treacherous than a genuine good woman.
Miner: Hey, Ben! These men came all the way from Fiddler's Camp, just to see your wife.
Ben Rumson: Well, looks like I married myself a tourist attraction.