Jan: Mr. Allen, this may come as a surprise to you, but there are some men who don't end every sentence with a proposition.
Brad Allen: I've had hangovers before, but this time, even my hair hurts.
Alma: If there's anything worse than a woman living alone, it's a woman saying she likes it.
Jonathan Forbes: What a delightful situation! The great Brad Allen, chopped down to size, floating down the river with the rest of us logs.
Jonathan Forbes: Brad, she is the sweetest, she is the loveliest, she is the most talented woman I have ever met.
Brad Allen: That's what you said when you married that stripper.
Jonathan Forbes: She wasn't a stripper. She was an exotic dancer... with trained doves.
Brad Allen: Did she cry?
Jonathan Forbes: Cry? I never knew a woman that size had that much water in her.
Jonathan Forbes: In New York, you have air you can sink your teeth into. It has character.
Jan: I'm yours tonight. My darling possess me.
Jan: He was a perfect gentleman.
Brad Allen: That's even worse than I thought.
Jan: What do you mean?
Brad Allen: Well there are some men who... hmmm how shall I put it? Well they're very fond of their mothers... They like to share bits of gossip... collect recipes.
Jan: What a vicious thing to say.
Jonathan Forbes: Owww.
Brad Allen: What?
Jonathan Forbes: That chair. It just bit me.
Brad Allen: Look, I don't know what's bothering you, but don't take your bedroom problems out on me.
Jan: I have no bedroom problems. There's nothing in my bedroom that bothers me.
Brad Allen: Oh-h-h-h. That's too bad.
Jonathan Forbes: You've been crying for 60 miles.
