Monroe: Eddie! What happened to your head?
Eddie: Customs guy, whacked me in the head with a can of peanut oil for stamping visas. I'm never goin back to that country, man. Those people have permanently wigged out.
Amy the Gorilla: Ugly gorillas. Ugly. Go away.
Dr. Peter Elliot: You're some kind of criminal, aren't you?
Monroe: Aren't we all?
Dr. Peter Elliot: No. I'm not a criminal, I'm a scientist.
Monroe: Scientist? I run a few guns. You sons of bitches ruin the world.
Richard, Elliot's Assistant: This is pure Kafka.
Hospital Interrogator: Who's Kafka! Tell me.
Dr. Peter Elliot: Oh, no! The bad apes have the crystal lasers.
Richard: So, what was your name again?
Claude: Claude.
Richard: Oh. Well, that's a very odd name for someone from... uh... where are you from again?
Claude: Mbasa.
Richard: Yeah, that's a very odd name for someone from Mbasa.
Claude: Have you ever been to Mbasa?
Richard: Um, no.
Claude: Then what do you know about it?
Monroe: They just blew up the president's car.
Eddie: That was the president's car? Did they get him?
Monroe: That's the bad news: no, they didn't.
Amy: Amy good gorilla.
Monroe: So why'd you quit the CIA?
Dr. Karen Ross: I never worked for the CIA.
Monroe: Of course you didn't. But if you HAD worked for the CIA, why would you quit?
Dr. Karen Ross: 'Cause they're a loveless bunch of sons of bitches.
Monroe: And you're not?
Dr. Karen Ross: And I'm not.
Monroe: Glad to hear it.
Monroe: When the moon is like that, every monkey for 200 miles thinks he's Elvis Presley.
Dr. Peter Elliot: What are they laughing at?
Monroe: I just told them I am in charge.
Dr. Peter Elliot: What's so funny about that?
Monroe: I'm black. I should be carrying luggage on my head.
Captain Wanta: So Dr. Ross, I see you used to work for the C.I.A, and now you're Travi Com. Travi Com pays better than the C.I.A?
Dr. Karen Ross: You have a BIG mouth.
Captain Wanta: Everybody says that about me.
Dr. Karen Ross: Aren't you human?
Travis: I'll be human later.
