Alvy Singer: Hey, Harvard makes mistakes too! Kissinger taught there.
Annie Hall: You're what Grammy Hall would call a real Jew.
Alvy Singer: Oh. Thank you.
Alvy Singer: A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
Alvy Singer: Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.
Alvy's Classmate: I'm into leather.
Annie Hall: You're seeing an analyst?
Alvy Singer: Just for 15 years. I'm giving him one more year and then I'm going to Lourdes.
Pam: Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience.
Alvy Singer: Oh. Thank you.
Pam: I mean that as a compliment.
Alvy Singer: I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for "Dysentery."
Robin: "Commentary."
Alvy Singer: Oh really? I had heard that "Commentary" and "Dissent" had merged and formed "Dysentery."
Alvy Singer: Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?
Annie Hall: La-di-da, la-di-da, la la.
Duane: Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.
Alvy Singer: Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth.
Alvy Singer: Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
Alvy Singer: You're extremely sexy. Because you are polymorphously perverse.
Annie Hall: What does that mean?
Alvy Singer: You're exceptional in bed because you get pleasure in every part of your body when I touch it. Like when I touch your nose or stroke your teeth or your kneecaps, you certainly get excited.
Annie Hall: You know what? I like you, I really do.
Annie Hall: Oh, you see an analyst?
Alvy Singer: Yeah, just for fifteen years.
Annie Hall: Fifteen years?
Alvy Singer: Yeah, I'm gonna give him one more year, and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.
Alvy Singer: You know, I don't think I could take a mellow evening because I - I don't respond well to mellow. You know what I mean? I have a tendency to - if I get too mellow, I - I ripen and then rot, you know.
Robin: There's Henry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell.
Alvy Singer: Yeah? Two more chairs they got a dining room set.
Alvy Singer: I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.
Alvy Singer: What are you depressed about?
Annie Hall: I missed my therapy, I overslept.
Alvy Singer: How can you possibly oversleep?
Annie Hall: The alarm clock.
Alvy Singer: You know what a hostile gesture that is to me?
Alvy Singer: Lyndon Johnson is a politician, you know the ethics those guys have. It's like a notch underneath child molester.
Pam: The only word for this is transplendent... it's transplendent.
