Jimmy Rabbitte: Do you not get it, lads? The Irish are the blacks of Europe. And Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. And the Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin. So say it once, say it loud: I'm black and I'm proud.
Outspan Foster: There's a band around called "Free Beer." Always draws a big crowd.
Derek: I like "A Flock of Budgies."
Jimmy Rabbitte: We have to be "the" something. All the great sixties bands were "The Somethings."
Outspan Foster: We could be... The Northsiders.
Derek: Or The Liffy Lads.
Outspan Foster: How about... The Fucking Eejits?
Jimmy Rabbitte: I'd like to introduce you to the hardest-workin' band in the world. On bass, Derek "Meatman" Scully. On piano, Steven "Soul Surgeon" Clifford. Dean "Mr Nipple" Fay on sax. Joey "The Lips" Fagan on trumpet. Our gorgeous chanteuses are Bernie, Imelda, and Natalie. Deco "Deep Throat" Cuffe on vocals. On lead guitar, Outspan "Fender bender" Foster. Finally, on drums, Mickah "Don't Fuck With Me" Wallace. Ladies and gentlemen, The Commitments.
Jimmy Rabbitte: What do you play?
Failed Drug Buyer: I used to play football in school.
Jimmy Rabbitte: I mean, what instrument?
Failed Drug Buyer: I don't.
Jimmy Rabbitte: What are you doing here, then?
Failed Drug Buyer: Well, I saw everyone else lining up, so, uh - I thought you were selling drugs.
Natalie: You all right, Jimmy?
Jimmy Rabbitte: Sure. They just get on my arse at times.
Natalie: Wanna share a taxi home?
Jimmy Rabbitte: For fuck's sake, Natalie. How could you ask me that after what I just said in there?
Natalie: Well if you weren't the manager, would you?
Jimmy Rabbitte: Would I what?
Natalie: ...take me home?
Jimmy Rabbitte: But I am the manager.
Jimmy Rabbitte: What do you call yourselves?
Derek: "And And And."
Jimmy Rabbitte: "And And fuckin' And?"
Derek: Well, Ray's thinking of putting an exclamation mark after the second "and." Says it'd look deadly on the posters.
Jimmy Rabbitte: Psshh.
Outspan Foster: You don't like it? You think it should go at the end?
Jimmy Rabbitte: I think it should go up his arse.
Outspan Foster: Well, we're not married to it.
Outspan Foster: What's that? A Mister Chippy van?
Mickah Wallace, Drums: We can't travel in that shit heap.
Joey: Buddy Holly's last words.
Joey: We can't travel in that shit heap.
Outspan Foster: Did Buddy Holly say that?
Joey: Before he flew to meet his destiny on that storm-tossed night.
Outspan Foster: Will crashin' in a chipper van make us famous, huh?