Hudson Hawk: Anna, we're supposed to be saving you.
Anna: I know. I got bored so I saved myself.
Cardinal: Oh, the Pope warned me never to trust the CIA.
George Kaplan: I want to make it up to you, kid. That's why I got you this gig. And to quote the late, great Karen Carpenter, "we have only just begun."
Hudson Hawk: Will you play Nintendo with me?
Anna: I can't think of anyone I'd rather play Nintendo with.
Tommy Five-Tone: I hated cigarettes until I saw my first no smoking sign. Keep off the grass? Let's play soccer. The law I cared for was friendship. I broke that one too, didn't I.
Tommy Five-Tone: That doughnut-hole-eating, son-of-a-bitch, take-it-in-the-ear-for-a-beer, rat bastard.
Anna: In one day - less than one day of planning, and you did it. You started the week by stealing the Sforza and ended by swiping the Codex. What are your plans for the weekend? Hoisting away the Coliseum? Tell me, did the Devil make you do it, or did Darwin and Minerva Mayflower?
Hudson Hawk: Can't we just go back to the kissing part?
Waiter: I am the waiter, sir.
Hudson Hawk: Oh. Very nice. Fettucini con fungi porcinni. Prego. Oh, and bring me a bottle of ketchup, will ya?
Anna: You heard him.
Waiter: Ketchup! Ketchup! Stupid Americanos, always ketchup.
Darwin Mayflower: Listen, Hawk, this might be hard to believe, but I'm just a regular Joe. I just want to be happy. And happiness comes from the achievement of goals. It's just that when you've made your first billion by the age of nineteen, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones. But now, finally, I've got myself a new goal... World domination.
Hudson Hawk: Hey, this doesn't taste like cappuccino.
Anna: Oh. I guess I put too much ethyl chloride in it.
Anna: He's definitely gonna steal the Codex. I can feel it. I'm not sure when.
Cardinal: Attempt to steal, you mean. The vanity in this man Hudson Hawk! The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey.
Darwin Mayflower: You New York Italian, father-made-twenty-bucks-a-week son of a bitch.
Hudson Hawk: If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third-largest crime family, I'd say, "Kiss my ass." But considering your status, I will say, "Slurp my butt."
Gates: I got a proposition for ya.
Hudson Hawk: Answer's "no," Gates... Even if you bathe.
Darwin Mayflower: I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career.
Darwin Mayflower: So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem.
Minerva Mayflower: That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto, Darwin.
Hudson Hawk: I guess we see who wears the penis in this family.
Hudson Hawk: How am I driving? 1-800-I'm-gonna-fuckin'-die.
Hudson Hawk: The man knows! The man knows.
Darwin Mayflower: If Da Vinci was alive today, he'd be eating microwave sushi, naked, in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us.