Rupert Pupkin: Why not me? Why not? A guy can get anything he wants as long as he pays the price. What's wrong with that? Stranger things have happened.
Rupert Pupkin: Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime.
Secretary: Is Mr. Langford expecting you?
Rupert Pupkin: Yes, I don't think he is.
Rupert Pupkin: I know, Jerry, that you are as human as the rest of us, if not more so.
Rupert Pupkin: The more scribbled the name, the bigger the fame.
Langford's Lawyer: What is the defense of kidnapping? How can you say, "I was crazy at the time"?