Colonel "Madman" Maddox: Identify yourself.
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: Captain Wild Bill Kelso, United States Army Air Corps. Where the hell am I?
Colonel "Madman" Maddox: Barstow. Where are you coming from?
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: San Francisco. Been chasing a Jap squadron for a day and a half. I lost 'em somewhere over Fresno.
Telephone Operator: I'm from Moline, Illinois.
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: Tough shit.
Hollis P. Wood: Now, wait a minute General! I'm doin' the best I can. You've got to tell these guys that I got to have a little bit more privacy. Shoot, how in the hell do you expect a guy to take a bowel movement with a bunch of buffalo rifles a-pointin' at him? Shoot, I have enough problems just pissin' in a public restroom.