Mary Katherine Gallagher: Oh look at you, my pretty little girl, sitting there with your face all painted up in your little halter top, you're nothing but a little slut.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Don't call me that! I'm a Puerto Rican lady senor.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: You're nothing but a little slut, Sybill Ann Dorsett, we know you're a little slut.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: I'm not a slut. I'm not a slut. I'm not a slut. I'm not a slut. I'M no slut.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Are you aware that I am rubber, and you are glue, and whatever you say to me bounces off, of me, and sticks to you? So put that in your, back pocket.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: These are my breasts. They're so BIG. I need a BRA to strap them and support because they're so huge they need to be hooked and strapped for support. My big boobs, this one is bigger than this one 'cause is the mommy and that's the baby. And this one is very nice to this one and they hold hands because they're friends.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: You're horrible! 'slams door' 'opens door'... horrible.
Father Ritley: Girls have a button, boys have a pole. Wicked touching takes its toll.
Grandma Gallagher: Just when it looked like your parents would be triumphant again, the unthinkable happened! Fat Teddy McGinty's belly struck the record player, accidentally turning up the speed. And the stepdancers began stepping quicker and quicker, trying to keep up. And that's when your mother fell, and she took your dad down with her. And before the dancers could stop themselves, they stomped your parents to death.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and then I smell them like this.
Grandma Gallagher: It's time I told you how your parents died.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: What does that have to do with a talent contest?
Grandma Gallagher: Everything.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: I thought you said that mom and dad were savagely ripped apart and eaten by a school of hammerhead sharks.
Grandma Gallagher: I just told you that to make you feel better.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Superstar.
Helen Lewengrub: Remember, he said you have nice moves. That means he was looking at your body, which means he thinks you're doable. So basically, he asked you to sleep with him.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Oh my goodness, this relationship is moving too fast.