Vicki Summers: Where do they keep the chainsaws here?
Paula: What?
Vicki Summers: We might wanna find out, right? Where they keep them? Because you never know when you might need a chainsaw.
Paula: Why do we need a chainsaw for a slumber party?
Max Cartwright: We will pick this up again. Is that understood? In the meantime, just stay away from Kurt... and keep your shorts on.
Vicki Summers: Gertie, I'm sorry for that time in junior high when I told everyone to start calling you Ba-Chunk-a-Dunk, and then I covered your locker in bacon. That was so crappy and I'm so sorry! I'm such a bad person.
Gertie Michaels: You're not, it's okay. If it makes you feel better, last summer I'm the one who spread the rumor that said you had a weird disease where you were always on your period.
Vicki Summers: Wow, that's evil.
Gertie Michaels: Thank you.
Duncan: Camp Bloodbath is like the granddaddy of all campsite slasher films, okay. Amazing production design, insane music, over-the-top acting. It's a cult classic.
Max Cartwright: Gertie, you're a virgin.
Gertie Michaels: No. Well, not anymore. Last summer with that guy, Jerry. He had like the weird mustache and he, like, winked. Remember?
Vicki Summers: Isn't he autistic?
Gertie Michaels: Yeah. Yeah. He is. But he was also very romantic.
Gertie Michaels: You know that Chris broke up with Vicki last week, right? And she is a mess! Have you seen the veiled suicide note/poem she posted on her Facebook page? It's so hilarious! I read it out loud to myself. A lot.
Duncan: What did you pack, Tina?
Tina: The basics. Bikini, mouthwash, diaphragm.
Nancy: I should have known something was up with this place. I mean think about it. What the hell kind of summer camp has waterbeds?
Tina: Oooh, I love legends! Loch Ness, Bigfoot, Bon Jovi... all of 'em.
Max Cartwright: Vicki, you don't have to die.
Vicki Summers: I'm the mean girl in the 80s horror movie and we're past the midpoint, so, you know, I'd say that I'd overstayed my welcome.
Gertie Michaels: Maybe we're dead and this is Heaven.
Vicki Summers: This can't be Heaven. Max is here and she's Jewish.
Gertie Michaels: Oh, right. Well, maybe it's Jewish Heaven.
