Joan Wilder: You're a mondo dismo.
Jack Colton: I'm... what am I? I'm what?
Joan Wilder: You're a man who takes money from stranded women.
Jack Colton: One hell of a morning has turned into a bitch of a day.
Joan Wilder: These were Italian.
Jack Colton: Now they're practical.
Gloria: Listen to me! You get bus sick, sea sick, plane sick, train sick, you practically puke riding on the escalator at Bloomingdale's, for god's sake!
Joan Wilder: Well, a lot of people get sick in department stores.
Juan: This guy who is following you, he is very persistent.
Jack Colton: What'd you do? Wake up this morning and say "today, I'm gonna ruin a man's life"?
[Jack Colton cuts the head off a snake.]
Jack Colton: Got that bushmaster.
Joan Wilder: Is it poisonous?
Jack Colton: Yeah. But very tasty.
Jack Colton: Goddamn it, I knew I should've listened to my mother. I could've been a cosmetic surgeon, five hundred thou a year, up to my neck in tits and ass.
Jack Colton: Wait a minute, he's after you. Who the hell are you?
Joan Wilder: Well, I'm a romance novelist.
Jack Colton: You're what? What are you doing here?
Joan Wilder: I told you, my sister's life depends on me.
Jack Colton: Ah, don't give me that shit. I thought you were donating a kidney or something.
Zolo: Crocodiles shed tears when they eat their prey. You have heard of these tears I am sure. But have you seen them?
Jack Colton: I think I'm going to throw another key on the fire.
Joan Wilder: No, please, I'm getting dizzy.
Ralph: Not only are we kidnappers, but I'm about to have a close encounter with a cattle prod.
Zolo: There are schedules to be maintained, even in Colombia.
Jack Colton: Lady, you are a jinx.
Joan Wilder: Why won't you take the elevator?
Mrs. Irwin: Oh, pumpkin, I never get into an elevator alone. You know... rapists.
Joan Wilder: You're the best time I've ever had.
Jack Colton: I've never been anybody's best time.
Jack Colton: Now I ain't cheap, but I can be had.
Joan Wilder: What about the bridge?
Jack Colton: That ain't a bridge. That's goddamned pre-Columbian art.
Joan Wilder: Which way to do we go?
Jack Colton: Follow that stone.
Jack Colton: What's the matter, are you paralyzed from the neck up, or are you hurt?
Answer: Any emerald over 1 carat in that beautiful cut and condition would probably go for over 250 million. Real emeralds over 5 carats are rare and the price goes up exponentially after 2 or 3 carats. 305,000 per carat after 5. So yeah that one was probably like 800 or more carats.