Officer Curtis Mooney: Police station, Mooney here...What? Oh, they took your wife away in a balloon? Well you don't need the police pal, you need a psychiatrist!
Ruby: Most people our age are a pain in the ass.
Bernie: Most people our age are dead.
Mac: Are we limp and hard to manage?
Det. Samuel 'George' Francisco: You humans are very curious to us. You invite us to live among you in an atmosphere of equality that we've never known before. You give us ownership of our own lives for the first time and you ask no more of us than you do of yourselves. I hope you understand how special your world is, how unique a people you humans are. Which is why it is all the more painful and confusing to us that so few of you seem capable of living up to the ideals you set for yourselves.
Kaneda (2001 Pioneer dub): What're you gonna do?
Kai (2001 Pioneer dub): I'm gonna send Yamagata his wheels.
Reggie: You knew... before it happened.
Quigley: It's just a dog.
Wesley: So was "Cujo."
Michael Cruise: You know what I feel like?
Eric Cruise: A Big Mac?
Michael Cruise: The man's psychic.
Tara: I speak perfect English. I also cook 815 international dishes, perform 637 sexual acts, use all the popular home appliances. Shall I cook you something.
Chad Finletter: No. Thank you.
Tara: How 'bout a blow job, maybe iron your pants?
Stevie: And when she turned it on it shot that metal thing right up into her face, shot it up just like a gun. Isn't that bad? It shot it up right through her eyeball.
Wanda Saknussemm: Bitchin' left hook, Crassus.
McCreedy: The vault... I tried to warn you... those creatures... the vault... I tried... All my work! Thirty years, I have tried to prevent this from happening.
Deputy Bill Briggs: Flagg! What are you doin' here boy?
Brian Flagg: The men from Glad here are showin' us how to keep our leftovers fresh.
Harry Washello: I was just wondering if you know if anyone here had a son named Chip.
Stewardess: I had an uncle named Chett.
Ryder: C'mon, move, move, move, move, move.