Oscar Madison: I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar.
Jim Douglas: Why is it the only food we have in this house is parrot food? I mean, we don't have a parrot.
Tennessee Steinmetz: Eat that! That's good. That's pressed kelp. That aerates your liver.