Wilfred: All your questions will be answered, Ryan. Eventually. But the big answers are like those missing kids on the milk cartons. They don't want to be found. They'll turn up when they're ready.
Wilfred: I mean, I've heard of trauma causing blindness, like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walked in on each other masturbating.
Ryan Newman: Behold... The instrument of Drew's destruction. Bzzmm... My ping pong paddle from when I was all state table tennis champion.
Wilfred: So, chemistry, biking and ping pong. I guess my only question is, why were you not blowjobbed to death by the entire cheerleading squad?
Answer: According to IMDB, he was Charles.