Mr. Krabs: What's the most important rule here?
Spongebob: No free napkins?
Mr. Krabs: No, the other most important rule!
Spongebob: Only discuss the secret formula with Mr Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: As long as you do that, the formula is safe.
Squidward: I thought the most important rule was why do today what you can put off for tomorrow?
Mr. Krabs: But what's today, but yesterday's tomorrow?
Squidward: Spongebob, are you trying to drive me to the nut house?
Spongebob: No. Just into this hole.
Squidward: Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hatch-slinging slasher used to be a frycook, just like you. Only clumsier! And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened...
SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?
SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?
SpongeBob: Irregular portions?
Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand! By mistake!
SpongeBob: You mean like this?
[At every 'this', SpongeBob removes his arm and a new one grows back.]
SpongeBob: Or like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this?
Squidward: Except he wasn't a sponge!
Squidward: So it didn't grow back!
[Squidward and Spongebob beleive robots are taking over the world.]
Squidward Tentacles: I'll evacuate the customers, you call the navy.
Spongebob Squarepants: Hello, operator. Get me the navy.
Phone recording: Hello, you've reached the navy's automated phone service.
Spongebob Squarepants: Squidward! The robots are running the navy!
[Squidward believes Spongebob has swallowed an exploding pie.]
Squidward Tentacles: We gotta call the hospital!
Mr. Krabs: Won't do any good. I've seen this before. When that pie hits his lower intestine - boom!
Squidward Tentacles: You've seen this before?
Mr. Krabs: 11 times, as a matter of fact.
[Squidward calls the hospital anyway.]
Squidward Tentacles: Hello, doctor. Won't do any good? 11 times?!?
Squidward Tentacles: Spongebob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away, that I will be able to brag about it. I would rather tear out my brain stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest four-way intersection and skip rope with it than continue living where I do now.
TV announcer: Hi, there. Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain stem, walk out in the middle of the nearest three-way-
Squidward Tentacles: Four-way.
TV announcer: Four-way intersection and skip rope with it than continue living where you do now?
Squidward: Sponge, we gotta eat something.
Spongebob: I heard in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat coral. No, maybe it wasn't coral. Maybe it was sand, no, mud.
Squidward: Give me the pizza!
Spongebob: Wait, I remember now. It was coral!
Squidward: Give it to me!
Squidward: [Answers phone.] Hello?
Squidward: Is it time already for you to ruin my day?
SpongeBob: Squidward! Help me! My house is shrinking and I woke up this morning and it was getting smaller...oh no!
Squidward: Yep, it is.
[Patrick comes out from his rock.]
Patrick: Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? [Falls off rock onto his furniture then jumps out with a tuxedo on.] Hey, SpongeBob, don't start without me!
Squidward: [Muttering angrily from inside his house.]
Spongebob: Aww, Squidward's house sounds like it has an upset tummy.
Patrick: Must have been something that it ate.
Squidward: [Opens door.]
Spongebob: [Points at Squidward.] It ate Squidward.
Patrick: That'll do it.