Quotes from Simon Pegg movies and TV shows

Dennis: I wouldn't mind shagging your leg right now.
Neil Clarke: I thought I turned you into a rational thinking creature.
Dennis: Rational thinking creature still have desires.
Neil Clarke: We'll soon deal with that.
Dennis: No! Don't take my desires away from me.
Neil Clarke: Why not?
Dennis: They wouldn't make my life worth living! Biscuits, shagging.

Neil Clarke: I could solve every problem in the world.
Dennis: Have you thought this thing through?

Neil Clarke: I don't think I like your conversation.
Dennis: But I worship you, master! I love you so much! I can't bear displeasing you! My whole world collapses when you're cross with me.

Charlie: Holy Moly.
Gus: Who says "Holy Moly"?

Gus: Who the hell are you?
Mrs. Smalls: Considering that I live here, young man, the question is, "Who the hell are you?"

Old Monk: Would you like to come in?
Hector: Yes, please. 'Cause I might not be around next week.
Old Monk: The moment of death is indeed uncertain. Come in.

DS Andy Wainwright: You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.
DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!
Nicholas Angel: Like who?
DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.
Nicholas Angel: Who else?
DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers' mums.

Nicholas Angel: What's the situation?
DS Andy Wainwright: Two blokes and a fuck-load of cutlery!

Nicholas Angel: When's your birthday?
Teen: 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel: What year?
Teen: Every year.

Nicholas Angel: Mr. Porter, what's your wine selection?
Roy Porter: Oh, we've got red... And, er... White?
Nicholas Angel: I'll have a pint of lager, please.

Danny Butterman: What do you think?
Nicholas Angel: Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no holds barred, adrenaline fueled thrill ride. But, there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.

Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.
DS Andy Cartwright: [sarcastic.] Yeah, 'cause we all sell apples round here, don't we?
Danny Butterman: Your dad sells apples, Andy.
DC Andy Cartwright: And raspberries.

Nicholas Angel: Sergeant Butterman, the little hand says it's time to rock and roll!

Danny Butterman: Did you say cool off?
Nicholas Angel: No I didn't say anything.
Danny Butterman: Shame.
Nicholas Angel: Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey, then I said 'play time's over' and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.

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Nicholas Angel: OK, what's his story?
Danny Butterman: Oh, it's Lurch.
Nicholas Angel: Go on.
Danny Butterman: He's a trolley boy at the local supermarket.
Nicholas Angel: Good.
Danny Butterman: Real name, Michael Armstrong, Dad says he's got a child's mind.
Nicholas Angel: OK.
Danny Butterman: He lives up Summer Street with his mom and his sister.
Nicholas Angel: And they as big as him?
Danny Butterman: Who?
Nicholas Angel: The mom and the sister.
Danny Butterman: Same person.

Sidney Young: I sent the fish, you know, goldfish in a bowl. Did she get them?
Sophie Maes' Assistant: Yes, but they were dead.
Sidney Young: All of them?
Sophie Maes' Assistant: Yeah, it was kind of shocking actually! Were they dead when you send them?
Sidney Young: No no, who sends people dead fish?
Sophie Maes' Assistant: The Mafia?

Buck: Oh, hello mammals.

Nancy: I've got a confession to make. I'm not really your blind date, Jack.
Jack: What? Are you even 24?
Nancy: No! Add an other 10. I was just merely trying to meet my mate in the modern world.

Jack: Congratulations on your massive pack of lies!
Nancy: Thank you!
Jack: God, you're such a cynic!
Nancy: And you're such a romantic.

Jack: You need to man up, Nancy.