Quotes from Shelley Long movies and TV shows

Sam: I've never met an intelligent woman I'd want to date.
Diane: On behalf of all the intelligent women in America, may I just say: whew.

Sam: Diane, I've got a problem.
Diane: Who is she, and how many months?

Diane: He's trying to make a mountain out of a molehill.
Carla: He wants you to wear a padded bra?

Diane: Sam, may I have a brief word with you?
Sam: I suppose you could, but I doubt it.

Sam: You know... You know I always wanted to pop you one? Maybe this is my lucky day, huh?
Diane: You disgust me. I hate you.
Sam: Are you turned on as I am?
Diane: More.

Water Fielding: Do you know how hard it is to find a really good carpenter? Besides, I think he's got a brother who's a plumber.
Anna Crowley: Really? A brother who's a plumber?
Water Fielding: I think so.
Anna Crowley: Do you think I should sleep with him?
Water Fielding: Maybe just this once.

Lauren: Excuse please. I vas hoping you were to... how do I to say?
Ticket Agent: You say it quickly, I'm off in three minutes.

Sandy: Well, what the hell?
Lauren: Well, that's not his?
Sandy: No way look at that.
Lauren: It's too small.
Sandy: IT'S A fuckin pencil.

Lauren: How dare you defraud the legitimate theater community of New York City.

Jan Brady: His name is George.
Marcia Brady: George what?
Jan Brady: George, uhhh Tropicana.
Carol Brady: What a nice name. Is he Cuban?
Jan Brady: No I mean... Glass. George Glass.
Marcia Brady: That's funny. I've never heard of a George Glass at our school.
Jan Brady: That's because he's a transfer student. He came in the last week of school. He's really good looking and he thinks I'm super cool.
Marcia Brady: Sure, Jan.