Quotes from Rodney Dangerfield movies and TV shows

Thornton Melon: Listen, Sherlock. While you were tucked away up here working on your ethics, I was out there busting my hump in the real world. And the reason guys like you got a place to teach is 'cause guys like me donate buildings.

Thornton Melon: Girls, this is Lou. Lou, these are girls.

Thornton Melon: Please, try to understand. I don't have the background for this. I mean, the high school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity, he threw the teacher out the window.

Thornton Melon: What's your favorite subject?
Bubbles: Poetry.
Thornton Melon: Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.

Diane: Don't you ever read?
Thornton Melon: Read. Who has time? I see the movie. I'm in and out in two hours.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: ...now, not withstanding Mr. Mellon's input. The next question for us is where to build our factory?
Thornton Melon: How 'bout fantasyland?

Trendy Man: Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.
Thornton Melon: You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody.
Trendy Man: Well, she's very proud of it.
Thornton Melon: I'm proud of mine too. I don't go waving it around at parties, though.
Trendy Man: It's an exceptional painting.
Thornton Melon: Oh, the painting.

Vanessa: Millicent, you look charming. I love your dress. Don't you, Thornton? It's such a lovely shade of green.
Thornton Melon: Yeah, if that dress had pockets, you'd look like a pool table. You should try my Tall and Fat stores. No offense.

Thornton Melon: Boy, what a great-looking place. When I used to dream about going to college, this is the way I always pictured it.
Jason Melon: Wait a minute. When did you dream about going to college?
Thornton Melon: When I used to fall asleep in high school.

Vanessa: I have absolutely nothing to wear.
Thornton Melon: You got SIX closets full of nothing to wear.
Vanessa: Are you saying I spend too much money?
Thornton Melon: You spend too much money? Nah. A lot of people go to Switzerland to get their watch fixed.
Vanessa: You have no taste, Thornton.
Thornton Melon: You're right. I married you, didn't I?

Thornton Melon: When's our first class?
Jason Melon: Uh, we got Economics tomorrow at 11 o'clock.
Thornton Melon: 11 o'clock? No good. I got a massage 11 o'clock. Tell 'em to make it 2 o'clock.
Jason Melon: No, dad. Uh, you don't get it. They're not gonna re-schedule the classes around your massage.
Thornton Melon: All right, 11 o'clock, but I'm gonna talk to that Dean. I mean, these classes could be a real inconvenience.

Vanessa: You're impossible.
Thornton Melon: And you're easy.

Diane: How would you characterize "The Great Gatsby"?
Thornton Melon: He was... uh... great.

Thornton Melon: I don't know. I can't figure women out. Today, they're... independent. They only think about themselves. Why, during sex, Vanessa - she used to scream out her own name.

Thornton Melon: I hereby dedicate this building to... myself.

Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.

Al Czervik: Hey doll, could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ball game, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!