Quotes from Peter Stormare movies and TV shows

Dino Velvet: If there was no honor among perverts and pornographers, the whole fucking business would fall apart.

Dino Velvet: You trust me to take your money, but not your picture?
Tom Welles: Those are two different kinds of trust.

The Penguin: Agh! Dead guys don't do that.
Dracula: Not dead... UN-dead.
The Penguin: I think I need to UN-wet my pants.

Jeff: I don't understand. In musicals, why do they start to sing and dance all of a sudden? I mean, I don't suddenly start... to sing and dance.

Jeff: You can't see, can you?
Selma: What is there to see?

Langral: Who was the mystery man on the phone?
Snow: Uh, his name was Fuck You.
Langral: Really?
Snow: Yeah, he was Asian.

Langral: I don't like hurting you, Snow.
Snow: Is that why you're having him do it?
Langral: I can have Rupert bludgeon you all night.
Snow: I'm being beaten up by a guy called Rupert?

Langral: What happened in that hotel room?
Snow: Oh, it was coupon night and I was trampolining your wife.
[Snow is punched in the face.]
Langral: You're a real comedian aren't you, Snow?
Snow: Well I guess that's why they call it the punch line.
[Snow is punched again.]
Langral: You don't like me, do you?
Snow: Don't flatter yourself. I don't like anybody.
Langral: With that attitude, I can see why nobody likes you.
Snow: Oh, come on. People love me. Just ask your wife.
[Snow is punched again.].

Duke: Who are you?
Langral: Secret Service.
Duke: I didn't hear anything about this.
Harry Shaw: That will be why they call it secret, right?

Langral: Who was your backup guy?
Snow: Why do I get the feeling not telling you is the only thing keeping him alive?

Langral: Ah, there you are.
Snow: Oh yeah. I thought I could smell you coming.