Steven Keaton: Alex destroyed all of them when he was two, he found them politically offensive.
Alex P. Keaton: You have no proof that was me.
Elyse Keaton: We found your rattle on the shelf in the bookcase.
Alex P. Keaton: It could have been some other babies rattle.
Elyse Keaton: It was your Nixon rattle.
Quotes from Michael Gross movies and TV shows
Andrew Keaton: Alex is reading me "Robin Hood," where he robs from the poor and gives to the rich.
Steven Keaton: That's not Robin Hood, that's Ronald Reagan.
Elyse Keaton: Don't you remember? We said we were going to be creative this year and make gifts instead of spending a lot of money Christmas shopping.
Steven Keaton: Well, I know we said it, I just didn't know we meant it.
Earl Bassett: What kind of fuse is that?
Burt Gummer: Cannon fuse.
Earl Bassett: What the hell you use it for?
Burt Gummer: My cannon.
Burt Gummer: Food for five years. Thousand gallons of gas. Air filtration. Water filtration. Geiger counter. Bomb shelter. Underground goddamn monsters.
Burt Gummer: I am completely out of ammo. That's never happened to me before.
Hiram Gummer: I feel I've not been privy to critical, most needful information.
Hiram Gummer: I haven't been on a horse since I... since my 6th birthday party. No, actually, that - that was a camel.
Hiram Gummer: Well that's just dandy.
Fu Yien Chang: What happened to the gingerbread?
Hiram Gummer: I ate it of course.
Fu Yien Chang: But I thought you said I could.
Hiram Gummer: A word of advice, young man. Anyone can be taken advantage of, and if you can, do.
Juan Padilla: No, no, no. The mine is not played out. Not at all. There is plenty more silver in there, it's just no-one wants to go in there and get it.
Pyong Lien Chang: Seven more men go up since accident. None come back.
Tecopa: My ancestors talked of spirit beasts that live inside those mountains.
Hiram Gummer: Spirit beasts?
Tecopa: Beasts from the underworld. Blind to all, but killing.
Hiram Gummer: We will make Rejection our last bastion, our last line of defense.
Juan Padilla: Our Alamo.
Hiram Gummer: Juan, we were the losers at the Alamo.
Juan Padilla: Speak for yourself, Gringo.
Burt Gummer: That's right. Fly right into my crosshairs, you fire-farting son of a bitch.
Burt Gummer: Take a couple tablespoons of cement, and harden the hell up!
Burt Gummer: Does a wild bear shit in the woods and wipe its ass with a white rabbit?
Burt Gummer: Destiny's a bitch.