Quotes from Michael Cera movies and TV shows

Fred: Did somebody order the rape?

Juno MacGuff: I think I'm, like, in love with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?
Juno MacGuff: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.

Juno MacGuff: Wow your shorts are like especially gold today.
Paulie Bleeker: My mom uses color safe bleach.
Juno MacGuff: Go Carol.

Nick: If anyone is getting raped in that van, it'll be a guy.

Nick: You don't have to yell. It's not a train station. We're in a tiny car.

Nick: I never wash my pants. I like to keep the night on them.

Norah: It reminds me of this part of Judaism that I really like. It's called Tikun Olam. It says that the world's been broken into pieces and it's everybody's job to find them and put them back together again.
Nick: Well maybe we're the pieces. Maybe we are not supposed to find the pieces. Maybe we are the pieces.
Norah: Nick? I'm coming in.

Thom: Search Party, N.Y.C Search Party, N.Y.C Caroline, Where the hell can you be?
Dev: Caroline! Caroline.
Norah: Caroline! Caroline.
Dev: Caroline.
Nick: Guys, we need to be adults right now.

Thom: Well we came to Gray's Papaya to get a bite to eat and she must have woke up because the chick has flown the coop.
Nick: Thom, that's not acceptable.

Nick: What are the benefits?
Norah: Yeah, that's crossed my mind. I don't know. I don't know, he's just always been there, and you just fell ignored for long enough and, it's just nice to feel special, sometimes.

Nick: Why would you buy these pants?

Nick: You don't know what it's like to be straight, OK? It's... awful.

Norah: This is amazing! You are literally like my musical soul mate.
Nick: Maybe I'll take this for a bit and you can just focus on driving.
Norah: What? You don't like my sweet grooves?

Nick: So what is your favorite song?
Norah: Well my favorite verse was "The way you're looking in your sleep, the way you're looking when you leap. The strange illusions that you keep. You don't know that I'm noticing."

Scott Pilgrim: When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.

Scott Pilgrim: I'm in lesbians with you.

Scott Pilgrim: We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff.

Wallace Wells: Guess who's drunk!
Scott Pilgrim: I guess Wallace.
Wallace Wells: You guess right!

Scott's Computer: You've got mail.
Scott Pilgrim: Dude, this thing claims I have mail.

Wallace Wells: If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the L-word.
Scott Pilgrim: Lesbian?
Wallace Wells: The other L-word.
Scott Pilgrim: ...Lesbians?