Quotes from Jemaine Clement movies and TV shows

Fleshlumpeater: I has a boo boo.

Murray: Be careful with it. Don't stand next to any big magnets.
Jemaine: Why would I stand next to a big magnet?
Murray: I don't know what you do in your personal life.

Jemaine: It doesn't matter what country someone's from, or what they look like, or the colour of their skin. It doesn't matter what they smell like, or that they spell words slightly differently-some would say, more correctly. I'm a person. Bret's a person. You're a person. That person over there is a person. And each person deserves to be treated like a person.

Jemaine: You're so beautiful, like a tree or a high-class prostitute.

Murray: Stuff you, Jemaine! And stuff you, Brett! And stuff you again, Jemaine.
Jemaine: Why do I get double-stuffed?

Jemaine: There is only one kind of dance: the Robot.
Bret: And the Robo Boogie.
Jemaine: Oh, yes. Two kinds of dances.

Bret: Has your suit snugged up a bit?
Jemaine: In certain areas, yes. In certain other areas, yes.

Hippie: Make love, not war.
Boris The Animal: I prefer to do both.

Lunar Max Guard: This ain't a conjugal visit. So quit your conjugating!
Boris the Animal: When's the last time you conjugated anything?

Tamatoa: Are you just trying to get me to talk about myself? Because if you are, I will gladly do so.
Moana: Huh?
Tamatoa: In song form.

Nigel: We'll attack at the midnight hour because it's more evil.

Vladislav: Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet.
Viago: What are you bidding on?
Vladislav: I am bidding on a table.

Viago: I went in the lounge the other day and there was blood all over my nice antique couch.
Vladislav: Which one? The red one?
Viago: Well it's red now, yeah.

Deacon: I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
Vladislav: I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no-one had fucked it.

Vladislav: He was an 18th century dandy, so he can be very fussy.

Vladislav: You will not eat Stu and you will not eat the camera guy.
Vladislav: Maybe one camera guy.

Deacon: Wait, let's kill them.
Vladislav: Well let's just see what other safety points they have... and then maybe we'll kill them.

Vladislav: We should get some slaves.

Vladislav: What are you doing tonight? Are you going to kill some perverts?
Child Vampire: Yeah, we're meeting a pedophile.
Vladislav: Cool.