Jim: Stan, come on. You owe me. You've sold a lot of minutes because of us.
Stan Sigman: Yeah, but you knowwhat the problem with selling minutes is?
Jim: What?
Stan Sigman: There's only one minute in a minute.
Quotes from Glenn Howerton movies and TV shows
Jim: Mike, are you familiar with the saying "perfect is the enemy of good"?
Jim: Let me tell you the best advice I ever got at Harvard. You want to be great, you need to sacrifice. The more painful the sacrifice, the greater you'll be.
Charlie Kelly: Hooooly shit! Is that the ocean?
Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, buddy, that's the ocean.
Charlie Kelly: What's on the other side of it there?
Frank Reynolds: Europe.
Charlie Kelly: Now, how long would it take.
Dennis Reynolds: Do not try and swim to Europe.
Charlie Kelly: Don't swim to Europe.
Frank Reynolds: Do not.
Dennis Reynolds: Charlie can't read.
Frank Reynolds: He'll adapt.
Dennis Reynolds: He'll adapt to reading?
Charlie: All right, fine. I voluntarily stepped in the dog shit so that I would smell of dog shit. Happy?
Dennis: Less happy!
Dee: Why would it make me happy?!
Charlie: I was trying to cover up the smell of the skunk that I let spray me so that there would be no questions.
Dennis: Well, now I have more questions!
Dee: Of course you do.
Dennis: How much cheese have you eaten today?
Charlie: How much cheese is too much cheese?
Dennis: Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese!
Charlie: I had a lot of cheese, I had a block of cheese.
Mac: You had a block of cheese?
Charlie: I got really, really nervous - I just started eating cheese.
Mac: Does that calm you down?
Charlie Kelly: When was the last time we played Night Crawlers together, Frank?
Dennis Reynolds: Uhh. What's-what's that?
Charlie Kelly: Well, it's... not about you. Why don't you just write it down?
Gladys: What's happening?
Dennis Reynolds: What's happening, Gladys, is we're at the fair and you're gonna act like my grandma, okay?
Gladys: My grandmother had an affair with Susan B. Anthony.
Dennis Reynolds: I-I don't give a shit.
Dee Reynolds: It's my turn. It's my time, it's Dee's time. I even have my own system. The DEE System. Do them. Establish low rating. Increase power.
Dennis Reynolds: Increase is spelled with an "i."
Dee: OK, well, then uhhh... Infuriate them when they find out...
Dennis: Another "i."
Dee Reynolds: Oh, my God, Dennis, listen to this. Reed Medical Institution was shut down because of statewide cutbacks. Oh, so they just cut all the loonies loose?
Dennis Reynolds: What? How could they do that? That's, that's insane!
Dee: I guess it was either that or they raise our taxes.
Dennis: What!?! Raise my taxes!?! Come on! How much do these vultures need? I already pay a ton in taxes.
Dee: Well, then I guess they're gonna have to shut down more of these places.
Dennis: What!?! Shut down more of these...we gotta have someplace to send our lunatics!
Dee: Well, then, we're going to have to pay more in taxes.
Dennis: What!?! I'm not paying more in taxes, Dee!
Dennis Reynolds: What are we going to do? We can't have Pete wandering the streets. I don't want him near me. We gotta get him sent somewhere. Ohh, what about that nut, uh, nuthouse in Westchester?
Dee Reynolds: Ah, it says that's one's been shut down too.
Dennis: Oh, come on! I pay so much money in taxes already. Where's that going?
Dee: Well, they used that money to open up the Eagles' new practice facility.
Dennis: That makes sense. That's kind of a no-brainer. I mean, you can't have our guys out there twisting ankles.
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