Drew Carey: Oh, my god. I realised why I screwed up my life. I always wanted attention. I'm a pity whore.
Oswald Lee Harvey: Aww, Drew.
Drew Carey: No! Do not pity the whore.
Quotes from Diedrich Bader movies and TV shows
Kate O'Brien: Oswald, how do I look?
Oswald Lee Harvey: On the Oswald Harvey scale... I'd give you a six.
Kate O'Brien: Oswald.
Drew Carey: Don't worry Kate, it only goes up to six.
Kate O'Brien: Oh.
Oswald Lee Harvey: It starts at three.
Oswald Lee Harvey: I think I'm going to be sick.
Drew Carey: Why?
Oswald Lee Harvey: I've got little pieces of Jim Thome's head all over me.
Korgoth: I've dated girls uglier than you for breakfast.
Gog-Ma-Gogg: Tell me, do you know of the wizard Specules?
Korgoth: I despise all weavers of the black arts. Speaking of which, could you pass the gravy?
Gog-Ma-Gogg: Interesting heh?
Korgoth: I didn't know there would be this much talking.
Rex: I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwan Do self-defense system! After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.