Quotes from Dana Carvey movies and TV shows

Maurice L. Pogue: It's so nice seeing all your faces here: John and Susan and Mary and Fred and Ethel, Little Ricky.

Pistachio Disguisey: Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club. Turtle, turtle, turtle.

Pistachio Disguisey: But, Papa, don't preach. I'm in trouble deep, and I'm keeping my baby.

Jennifer: ...And now I believe that you can do anything.
Pistachio Disguisey: Ah! That's very nice but not exactly true, I... I can't turn mud into oatmeal, for example, I can't build a spaceship that will travel to Pluto.

Pistachio Disguisey: It's so crazy, it just might work.

Pistachio Disguisey: Can I help you?
Grandfather Disguisey: I have come to help you, Pistachio.
Pistachio Disguisey: Help me what?
Grandfather Disguisey: Find your mother and your father. My son.
Pistachio Disguisey: My father... your son... Holy canoli! You are my sister.

Alvin Firpo: Have you seen my Pez dispenser?
Dave Firpo: No. Shut up.

Bill Firpo: I've got a feeling you're not telling me something.
Dave Firpo: Well this feeling you're getting is paranoia.
Alvin Firpo: Hey, let's just go.

Bill Firpo: What are you doing?
Alvin Firpo: You do what you do, I do what I do.
Bill Firpo: Well. That enhances my state of security.

Garth Algar: Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?
Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.

Garth Algar: If she were a president, she would be Baberaham Lincoln.

Wayne Campbell: No way!
Garth Algar: Way!

Wayne Campbell: She's a babe.
Garth Algar: She's magically babelicious.
Wayne Campbell: She tested very high on the stroke-ability scale.

Garth: I've never seen you so mental over a girl before. Are you gonna marry her?
Wayne: Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries!

Garth Algar: That is a babe. She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.

Garth Algar: Let me tell you something about women, Wayne. They want you to come get them, they LOVE it.

Honey Horneé: Take me, Garth!
Garth Algar: Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.
Honey Horneé: I'm gonna be frank.
Garth Algar: OK. Can I still be Garth?